November Blog Series: Day 27

Welcome to day twenty-seven. Four days to go (including this one).

Okay, that’s a lie.

Because I’ve decided to keep up this blogging challenge for the entire month of December, too. I must be a glutton for punishment. Although, I’m going to do my best to come up with clever and insightful things to write about during the last month of this year. And I'm not going to force myself to post daily. I have decided to post at least five times a week. That leaves room for my brain to have some "off" days. Basically, be prepared for some posts to be nothing more than a few sentences.

Today was a good day. For the most part. I woke up and went to work, and then my sister and I went to see “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” at the theatre. We bought tickets for the D-Box experience. The seats vibrate and move with specific action sequences during the movie. I knew it was going to be expensive, but I nearly choked up a lung when the clerk said, “twenty-nine dollars” (for two tickets). Sheesh! For that price, you ought to get a waiter to serve you during the movie, and a chauffer to drive you home afterwards!

So, when the previews first started there was sound, but no picture on the screen. This continued for about ten minutes and my sister and I just couldn’t resist the wisecracks. There were only a few in the theatre that actually found us amusing, but the two of us had joked ourselves nearly to the state of tears. I said, “Oh, I didn’t realize you needed special glasses to see the screen, too. Guess that part’s extra. We just get to ‘hear’ it and use our imaginations.” And she would say things like, “Didn’t you know this is one of those really special ‘0-D Invisible’ movie experiences?” The sound would start again, but still no picture, to which I shouted out, “Just kidding?!” We thought we were funny. So did the girls sitting to our left, and the guys sitting behind us. The mean old hags sitting to our right did not.

Finally, they get the movie going and we begin to enjoy the whole ‘picture/sound/movement’ experience…

…until Tweedledee and Tweedledum back up and to our right began to get rambunctious. I’m talking young boys, maybe ages 10-12. They giggled and snorted. Spilled their drinks. Chunked pieces of food down a few rows in front of us. Spilled their popcorn. Ran up and down the side aisle. Spilled their candy.

And after almost 20 minutes of enduring their nonstop noise, I was ready to spill their blood. I kept my cool. I’m real proud of myself for not snatching them up and putting them over my own knee for a serious ass-whoopin’. Of course, I’m not sure who needed it more – them or their moron parents.

Somewhere, out there in the world, was a man who turned to his wife after just having dropped them off at the theatre, and through his missing teeth says, “Maw, I sure am glad we dropped off Junior and Junior Jr. at the movies so we can go get ourselves sum good grub.”

And she would reply, “I’m sure glad, too, Paw,” as she pulls on her leather cycle jacket with a winged skull embroidered on the back, lights a cigarette, and smacks Paw on the butt. “Them’s sum good idears you have lettin’ the folks at that there theatre babysit.”

Then they’d both howl with wicked laughter as Paw gave Maw a nasty, snuff-encrusted kiss and they speed off into oblivion as their old pickup truck backfires and lets out a plume of blue smoke.

Back to reality…or, at least how it happened on my end.

Rather than take matters into my own hands, I did end up going to get the manager. He proceeded to tell me that he’d already had about three complaints.

Really?

Really???

And why didn’t you march their little butts straight out of the theatre after the first two? Did I really just pay nearly $15 to be at the mercy of an overweight, pimple-faced, teenage manager to act as a terrifying authority figure to two uncontrollable boys so that I could attempt to enjoy the movie?

There went another year off my life from elevated blood pressure.

After the movie (and, yes, it was good), my sister and I did a tiny bit of shopping at the local beauty store. Then we went to eat at our favorite Mexican food restaurant. It was crowded, but not so crowded that we deserved the poor service we received tonight. I swear it took us almost 15 minutes, and a couple of requests to even get drink refills and the queso we ordered (as an appetizer, mind you). When we were finally served our meal it was good, but there’s just something about bad service that puts a damper on what should be an enjoyable eating experience.

Despite it all, it was still a good day. Tomorrow is Sunday, and then…Monday! **loud, piercing shriek of dread** No need to panic. We all knew it was coming. Without fail it keeps repeating.

Without fail it keeps repeating.

Hey, there’s an echo in here.

Now, I’m going to enjoy a movie sans the theatre. I’m gonna turn the volume real low. At a level not intended for humans.

And fall comfortably and blissfully asleep on the couch. As I strain to hear the dialogue. Eyelids fighting to stay open…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Annoying People at the Movies

Okay... I love going to the movies as much as the next person. I do not, however, enjoy others at the movies. Or maybe I've just lost my patience with people's rudeness and inconsideration in general.

So begins my story.

Recently, my sister and I decided to steal some girl time and go to the movies. Both of us purchased a please-rip-me-a-new-one (translation: overpriced) drink, and Jen got a pickle. We then ventured into the theatre to see "Leap Year."

As we sat there, both of us marveled at all the single guys in the theatre. Strange. My first thought was that they were trying to earn some sort of brownie points with their significant others. My second thought was that if the previous were true, why weren't their significant others with them? My third thought was that maybe they had a soft spot for romantic comedies. Wrong on all accounts.

About half way into the previews, a message came onto the screen instructing us to put on our 3-D glasses. Oops. We had wandered into the wrong theatre. Both of us laughing at our doofusness, we found the correct theatre (ahem - next door). We settled into our seats still making fun of ourselves.

I should have know the couple with their granddaughter that came in AFTER the movie started and sat down (a couple of seats over and to the right in front of us) were going to put my tolerance levels to the test. Oh yes, lest we forget the group of tweens that came about the same time and sat directly behind us.

Here's a good rating of my tolerance/patience levels (in order):
1 – sigh in frustration
2 – bite my lip, usually accompanied by #1
3 – grunt loudly, in hopes that it will get the idiot’s attention
4 – speak up and let the perpetrator know of my irritation
5 – throw things
6 – want to stab someone in the eye sockets
7 – want to pour acid over their flesh
8 – do something that lands me in jail
9 – do something that lands me in a padded room
10 – do something so diabolical and clever, that the rest of the moviegoers have nothing left to do but to sit back in awe of my rage and cheer me on in my wrath

So the grandparents with their "entitled" (my sister's term) grandchild, talked quite a bit during the beginning of the movie. All became quiet, and I was able to relax and enjoy the movie…

…until the girl took out her iPhone and began texting.

Non-stop texting.

So, at this moment, I’m at about a “3” and the girl still hasn’t taken the hint. The woman directly in front of me (to the girl’s left) was also sighing and doing everything she could to make her irritation known (short of beating the girl over the head).

I was about to hit hypersonic from a 3 to a 7, when my diplomatic side emerged. Yes, I have a peaceful side. I can’t very well inform everyone about the proper movie etiquette, or common sense mannerisms for life in general (though, at times, I’d like to). I leaned over, and as nicely as I could I said, “Would you mind turning that off, please. It’s very distracting.” To which she huffed and said, “Yes” in a very snide way. (Calm, Kellie. Find your happy place.) The woman in front of me chimed in and said harshly, “Yes, it’s bothering me, too.”

Luckily, that was the end of the texting debacle, but the girl did get up about three times to leave the theatre and come back. To feed her texting addiction, no doubt.

But alas, my friends, the story is not quite over.

Outside the theatre, while awaiting my sister’s return from the ladies room, I see the girl standing outside with her grandparents. She is crying, or rather whining. She is explaining to her grandmother about the mean girl who told her to stop texting during the movie, despite the fact that her grandmother was right next to her and was witness to the crime. I guess she didn’t realize it was me she was referring to, and that I was less than five feet from her. She probably didn’t recognize me without the evil iPhone glow that cast me with fangs and horns in the dark of the theatre. Her grandmother is hugging her and attempting to comfort her saying, “It’s okay, baby. They just don’t understand you.”

What?

I mean, really. WTF??!

Seems to me she probably should have had more spankings growing up. I got spanked. A lot. And I turned out just fine. Manners and everything.

So remember your movie etiquette, friends. And have fun!