What You Know

Wow…once again, it’s been a month since I’ve blogged. I would love to throw in the excuse that life has just been too busy, but in all reality, it’s due to laziness and negating my love of writing on my part. As I write this, I must confess it’s really more of an effort to have something published for the month of March as opposed to discussing some clever idea or thought I feel the need to express.

And as I sit here in my favorite cafe, headphones in (What You Know by T.I. currently blasting in my ears), and smelling the aroma of the coffee, perhaps I can find a way to make life imitate art. Or in this case, music.

What You Know…

Statement or question?

Could go either way.

I think I’ll pose it as a legitimate question, for it will be much easier to answer. Let’s break it down into ‘white girl’ speak:

What Do I Know?

1. I know that no matter how much you plan for things in life to turn out a certain way, there always seems to be a monkey wrench thrown in to remind you of how chaotic things can get. The old adage that ‘life is what happens when you’re making plans’ is blatantly profound. The wrench is just an indication that even though we may do our best to ensure that the engine runs smoothly, when it stutters and stops, we have to rely on help to fix it. When we surrender to our own pride and need to control the inevitable (um, speaking personally here) then we find out it’s okay to fail a little and lean.

2. I know that it is often through our most adverse moments that we become the person we are meant to be. The hardships we face, and how we handle them help to shape our characters. Sometimes this happens from a single situation, and sometimes over years. And one day, we look back and are able to reflect on where we’ve come from with a fair bit of wisdom and relief that we will never go down that road again. We improve from our past, and conquer our conflicts. Eventually, we learn that our parents are pretty wise creatures in all of their ranting and raving about ‘life’ after all.

3. I know that you can’t be happy with someone else until you’re happy with yourself. More often than not, I think people look to fulfill the personal shortcomings they self-perceive by recognizing it as a force in another. Is that wrong? I can’t answer that. Each relationship between two people – be it friends or something deeper – is unique. I’m not sure the concept stems so much from finding a completion of strengths and weaknesses, per se, but in striking a balance between the mind, heart and soul. It’s all about learning to make sacrifices and compromise. And trusting in another.

4. To expound on the above, I know that the idea of loving oneself is ideal, but is it attainable? At times. I think we’re fooling ourselves to float through life on such an ego trip as to believe we have no flaws. For it is in those flaws and faults that our perfection lies. I’ve discovered the people who give the appearance of having it all together are usually the ones who are the most lost and insecure. Myself included. I put up a good front, but I crave attention and approval just like anyone else. It’s human nature. Not long ago, I had someone tell me that I bluff my confidence in order to mask others from seeing my weaknesses. Absolutely I do. So does everyone. But when we let our guards down and let someone else in, allowing them to see and share the ugly truths, the dark and stormy, the doubt and the fears, then we find that we are all fighting the same battle. There is camaraderie in that personal struggle. And shared faith to become something greater than we thought possible. When we are encouraged to break through our own barriers, there is no limit to what we can achieve.

5. I know, without a doubt, that there is a God above and that He is the guiding force in this life and the next. I will never deny my faith. It is the one, steadfast sanctity in my life. And always will be.

6. I know that no matter how bad of day I’ve had, a hug and a smile from my three-year-old niece, or my dogs happily bouncing off my legs because they’re happy to see me, is good medicine.

7. I know that music moves me. It’s a connection between the melody and harmony of life. It’s our emotions orchestrated to a tune that flows in and amongst our attitudes, our desires and our hurts. It’s the score of our spirit that exists solely in a manner of noise. That noise can lift us, or carry a lyrical message, or make no sense other than to the composer and the listener that finds it appealing. Without music, life would be less beautiful.

8. Likewise, I know that life without great food would be a travesty. I love food. I love to cook. I rank savoring a good meal right up there with great sex. Well, maybe they should remain in separate categories, but they can be equally fulfilling in their own right.

9. I know that to appreciate life, you have to find the humor even in the most mundane situations. You have to be able to laugh at yourself. And you have to laugh longer and louder than anyone else.

10. I know that without others to share in this journey, our lives would be shorter, and meaningless. How tragic not to share the troubles and the joys of this borrowed time with others. When we have friends and family to help us shoulder the burdens, or lift our spirits when we need support, we are blessed beyond measure. When our hearts experience the capacity to break, or love, or feel, we open ourselves up to a sacred correlation with another person. Our souls are enlightened because they are infinitely connected to their counterpoints in others. The ups and downs, and the ins and outs, are tolerable because there is comfort in suffering and experiencing them with another. All in all, it’s what makes life worth living.

Those are just a few of the things I know. Good Lord willing, I still have a lot of life to live. I hope and pray that I never get tired of learning. My best is still inside me, and each day I shine just a little bit more.

What I know is how very precious it all is. The fleeting moments…the ones that linger and test us…the ones where we clench our fists and question the fairness with which we have to contend…they are all the moments that take us a step further towards our destinies.

What you know…reach it, embrace it, achieve it, love it…it’s all a part of what makes and breaks us.

What you know…be determined to find out. Then grab hold of it and enjoy the ride.

Oh, and hats off to you, T.I. The title of your song helped to inspire my blog today.

Peace out!

Drama Drama Drama

I never cease to be entertained from my frequent coffee shop outings. Of course, I’m not really “outing” so much as I’m slacking. I call it “slacking” because I should be writing my book, but inevitably, I find myself suffering from writer’s block. I have retyped and edited the same paragraph so many times that I’ve lost count. It’s very frustrating. Several months ago when I first began writing, I preemptively cursed myself, foolishly believing that I would never suffer from such a feat. Um, wrong.

I find it equally frustrating, or rather ironic, that I can conjure up b.s. to post on my blog, but cannot finish the current chapter of my book. I think a hammer, a punching bag and some matches might make me feel better. Or land me in jail. Or a padded room.  On the evening news.  And on the front page of tomorrow morning's newspaper.  But, hey, at least I’d have something new to write about.

I got off course a tad. Back to my point…

Or not.

A short while ago, outside the window of the couch where I’m sitting, there was a couple in the midst of a very heated argument. So heated that not only could I hear them yelling at each other from inside the café, but I could also distinguish the topic of their clash through my ear buds, which I’m wearing while I’m listening to iTunes. (Of course, I turned down my music so I could listen. Drama.) Young lady had quite a healthy set of lungs on her. In her defense, her “significant other” had been sexting another girl. (“Sexting” is engaging in flirtatious and sexual promiscuity through texting.) I think I learned some new four-letter words. Checkmark for today.

(And for the record, I was in the midst of a similar scene myself yesterday (though NOT about sexting, so I’m digesting the theory of self-improvement with this subject.)

Which brings me to my subject for this post: is it acceptable to argue in public?

Personally, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m an eternal optimist, if not a bit on the romantic side of delusion, when it comes to life. I don’t demand euphoria every second of the day, but I always try to look on the bright side of things and understand them realistically. I’m the kind of person that wants everyone else around me to be happy and having a good time. This especially applies to arguing. It makes me uncomfortable to be around others arguing, be it at home or in a public place. In my own experience, I don’t necessarily avoid confrontations, but I don’t like to get into an argument unless it’s something really important, or addressing the particular issue is critical. I don’t hold grudges. I fight for the moment and then move on. I don’t fight to win so much as I fight to make my point. Often, I am wrong. I admit it. (shhhhh, don’t repeat that) But when I feel strongly about something, I’m not afraid to assert my opinions.

Are some people just in it to win it? I think so. Some people are argumentative by nature. Or defiant. Or rebellious. Or stubborn. (I’m convinced a combination of these qualities is the real reason lawyers exist. Oh, and reality courtroom television.)

For example, ever watched a political debate? It’s really just a structured argument where both sides present their best 'self-sales pitch' to win the support of the viewers. If the subtexts of the debate were aired at the bottom of the screen, it would likely read, “Yeah, Bub, kiss my hairy butt. Your makeup artist missed a spot. Are we still vacationing in The Hamptons this weekend?” It’s all for show. Now, I know the issues are real and so are the conservative or liberal foundation points, but it’s still a means to entertainment and exposing the vulnerable side of the opponent. Which is basically what arguing really is.

And drama. Which I know nothing about. **gasp** Me? Dramatic???  Never!

So…back to my point. (I keep straying here)

Personally, arguing in public is just as bad as PDA. It’s inconsiderate and makes others feel awkward. At the same time, it’s like a car wreck. Morbidly fascinating, and hard to look away. The poor girl (we’ll call her “Eva ‘Lung’oria"), was in tears by the time it was all over. Now guys, I know you have a point to make, but no matter what the subject concerns it is just not acceptable to make your girl cry in public.  Ever.  “Phony Parker” should not have crossed that line. Nor should "Eva" have been a willing participant to his rant.  Take it to the car. Better yet, take it home. (That way, there’s no chance of the hot make up sex being initiated in public.)

Know what I think when I see people partaking in that? I feel sorry for them. Mainly because they have so little personal integrity or maturity to not get involved in it. It speaks volumes in regards to their true colors. It’s upsetting to hear someone degrading, berating and condescending to another. It’s disrespectful. And classless.

Me being involved in a similar situation yesterday = irony. But I’m preaching to myself, too, so ner! **sticks tongue out**

We are all slaves to the sycophantic patterns of human nature. It’s a high for us when we’re able to make others squirm sometimes. I can be pretty insensitive myself on occasion. But, I usually dream up revenge and romanticize about notions of comeuppance in my head. That’s about the extent of my plotting. My guilty conscience is a hard layer to dissolve, and inevitably I end up feeling bad for entertaining thoughts of retaliation. Regardless of the circumstances. And even if they deserve it.

I was in quite a tizzy earlier about an issue I was having and I had a friend tell me, “Quit acting like your three-year-old kid was just diagnosed with terminal cancer.” (That’s a direct quote.) I could feel the proverbial smack of reality hitting me. At first, it pissed me off. I thought about arguing, but my friend is right. It certainly put things in perspective. Case in point: although sometimes arguing is necessary to confront a problem, more often than not it is unconstructive and cyclic. We get caught up in emotional competition of winning rather than rationally solving the problem at hand. Pick your battles. Don’t stress over minor dilemmas and let them interfere with your life. Especially when it’s out of your control.

So what happened to the arguing couple? Don’t know. I had half a mind to go outside and offer “Eva” a hug after it was over, but I was hesitant to get involved. “Phony” went one way, while “Eva” sat at the table…sniffling in the cold, tears steaming down her face…on her iPhone…deleting him from Facebook, tweeting about what a jerk he is…arranging to have his tires slashed.

Is there an app for “The Clap”? Hope he gets it from all of his sexting. Jerk.

**sigh** Drama drama drama.

Speak and Spell

Hi, peeps! Feels like it’s been forever since I blogged.

Being the spelling/grammar snob that I am, I’ve decided to make today’s post a much-needed lesson about commonly misspelled and misused words. Mainly because I find myself desperately wanting to edit my friends’ Facebook status updates. It makes my skin crawl.

Don’t hate. Later you’ll be thanking me for this, and people will be astonished at your newfound grasp of contractions and your stellar writing abilities.

We begin with the most common offender...

A lot. No, that’s not a statement. I’m referring to the word “a lot” (well, two words). “A lot” is NEVER one word (alot = incorrect). Think of a car lot. You wouldn’t spell it "carlot" would you? Nor should you squish “a lot” together as one word. Don’t do it. No excuses. It’s just wrong.

Next, familiar contractions that we all should’ve learned in grade school. Some of you were obviously too busy eating glue to really absorb this, so here is an efficient recap…

You’re and your
You're = you are
Example: “If you’re still reading this, chances are you find this information necessary to learn.”
Your = belonging to or relating to somebody. There is also no need to add an apostrophe, since it already implies possession.
Incorrect = your’s
Example: “If you’re easily offended at these simple instructions, then perhaps you need to improve your skills.”
See how I effectively used both examples? Booyah.

They, they’re, there and their
**sigh** Where, oh where, do I even begin?
Let’s break it down:
They = people in general, or things mentioned.  Now, I really only included this word to set the preface for the remainder of this lesson.  Moving forward...
They’re = they are
Example: “Often people are confused as to whether or not they’re actually using contractions correctly.”
There = adverb used to indicate a place, or simple subject
Example: "Still confused? See that sentence up there."
Their = belonging to them, him or her
Example: “Why people don’t work harder to actually spell their words correctly baffles the hell out of me.”
Now, let’s bring it all home…
“If ever there was an effective means to prompt people to attempt to use correct spelling and grammar, they’re bound to learn something if they apply these simple rules to their memory.” (I even threw in a “they” and a “they’re". Score.)

It’s and its
Another toughie. For most people. I’m not most people.
It’s = it is
Example: “When you speak or write using incorrect grammar, people assume it’s because you are lazy and unintelligent.” (I’m just sayin’. Don’t give them ammunition.)
Its = indicating possession. Again, there is also no need to add an apostrophe, since possession is already implied.
Example: “Your brain really needs to absorb this stuff so it can expand its power.”

Y’all = when you live in the south and combine the phrase “you all”. If you live in Texas and don’t know how to spell this, then you are a disgrace to all proud southerners. Shame.
Incorrect = ya’ll, which if you break down the contraction, would basically mean “ya all”. No. No. No.
Many people have asked if there is a plural to “y’all”. It is rumored to be an affront to the word, but it’s the most appropriate phrase I can conjure: “all y’all”.

Other popular contractions that are misused…

Are not = aren’t
Have not = haven’t
Did not = didn’t
Does not = doesn’t
Do not = don’t
You have = you’ve
You will = you’ll
She has, is = she’s
He has, is = he’s
Was not = wasn’t
Will not = won’t
We are = we're
Were = past tense of "be"
We will = we'll
There is = there’s
Would have = would’ve
Would not = wouldn’t
Cannot (not “can not”) = can’t
Should have = should’ve
Should not = shouldn’t
Could have… Aww, screw it. Really. I could go on, but if you’re not getting a handle on this by now then you’re a lost cause.

Also, for use in sentences…
Couple “either” with “or” and “neither” with “nor”. Otherwise you’ll sound like a moron. And don’t begin too many sentences with “and”. Or, use, serial, commas.

And now, I’ve saved the very best (or rather, worst) for last…

To, too and two
Pay close attention to this one, folks. When I read these words written or typed incorrectly, I have the urge to spontaneously combust. And that’s just the beginning of my intended wrath.
To = a preposition or adverb indicating the direction, destination, or position of somebody or something
Example: “I’m going to pretend you understand this, so we will move on to our next word.”
Too = more than, in excess, indeed, very, in addition to
Example 1: “It’s never too late to learn something new.”
Example 2: “I hope you agree with the above statement, too.”
Two = one + one, something with a value of 2
Example: “Share this valuable blog information with a friend, and then two of you will be smarter.”
All together now…
“Those of us who make a habit of using correct grammar and exercise phenomenal spelling skills know we're supreme beings. Too often, too many people think they’re able to speak and spell properly. If you’re one of those people, you aren't. It’s highly likely you’re living in denial. However, if the two voices in your head are encouraging y’all to expand your knowledge, then it’s as good a time as any to relearn or perfect any skills you had before acquiring them through this blog, its lessons and its priceless content. There are very few people who will be as brutally honest with you as I will. They’re few and far between. I can only hope their brains will retain this information and use it. A lot.”

Well, there you have it. I make no apologies for my perfection, and neither should you. Learn this. Live this. Dream about it. Breathe it deeply in. Print it out and give it to a friend for a special occasion. I guarantee they will thank you for alerting them to their stupidity.

Next week’s lesson: common four letter expletives and how to use them diplomatically and creatively when expressing them.

November Blog Series: Day 29

Monday. It happened again. On day twenty-nine. One more day to go for my daily blogging exercises, and then begins next month’s writing.

It seems that December has snuck up on us again. I mean, really, where did the summer go? And it seems I was only 21 yesterday. Why is it that once you hit your twenties, time accelerates and before you know it you’re in your thirties wishing you were embarking on your twenties again?

Oh, if I only knew then what I know now. I would’ve taken more time to base my decisions less on impulse, and more on wisdom. I would’ve spent more time with loved ones who have since passed. I would’ve faced obstacles with more maturity and responsibility, instead of competition. I would’ve changed the course of my life, altering where I’ve ended up…not having the friends that I have, made the mistakes I’ve made, cried the tears I’ve cried, shared the laughter and the smiles that have settled in my facial features. I would’ve missed out on a lot a life being cautious.

If I had it to do over again, despite everything I’ve been through, and every wrong turn I’ve made, I’d do it all exactly the same. For it was, is, and shall be part of a bigger plan that God has for me. The strength I’ve developed inside has been nurtured by my faith, though at times it’s fallen to the wayside. Each time it’s weakened, I’ve been presented with a new challenge to renew it. I don’t believe that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. He does. And it is during those times when we are reminded that must lean on Him.

And when we find our footing again, we are comforted with the fact that He stands on all sides of us, protecting and supporting us when our hearts are heavy.

My heart is heavy today. I had to make a tough career decision and I stumbled across some news that felt like betrayal. It left me hurting. But, I am reminded that no one can hurt us unless we allow him/her to. I’ve come too far to allow someone to take away my sense of self. My sense of strength. Or the things inside me learned from invaluable lessons that have shaped my soul.

My heart may not be in its prime anymore, but it has encountered aches, pains, joys and enough love to last a lifetime. Those are the things that I’ve gained. Things my young eyes were not willing to see so many years ago. Things that humble me now, and carry with it a sense of gratitude for every moment I’ve been given.

No matter where I am, I am not alone. I need only to reach out around me to feel the presence of God. I wouldn’t trade that comfort for all of the time or knowledge in the world.

My heart may not be young anymore, but I’m happy being young at heart.

November Blog Series: Day 8

Monday. Day eight. The start of a new week. Oh boy. Bring it.

Sometimes I feel like I’m throwing effort after foolishness. Like all of the advances I’m trying to make are pointless and worthless. Like I’m chasing something that doesn’t want to be pursued. And I’m going to end up hitting a dead end or with a broken heart. Or worse, both.

I can already feel the tiny fissures opening up along the exterior of my heart.

Have you ever put your emotions into something that doesn’t necessarily reciprocate? Have you ever put yourself out there over and over again, only to walk away feeling used? Have you ever had your time and your feelings treated so casually that you feel a little like you don’t exist? I have. More than I care to mention lately. What makes it even harder to deal with was that this particular “situation” seemed at first to be on the same page. Guess not. Stupid me.

Kellie = doormat

I recently convinced myself that I would no longer let drama invade my life. I made a promise to myself that I would wash my hands of any useless crap and do my best not to let things bring me down. I’ve done pretty well so far, but some days I would just like to ball up in a fetal position and cry for a while. I guess it was ridiculous of me to think that I could shield myself from letting anything negative affect me. We all have down days.

I am worn out from putting myself out there and getting nothing in return. It hurts. Why can’t people just follow through with promises, and things they say they’re going to do? Is that really too much to ask? I hate this roller coaster ride I’m on. Up with hope, down with disappointment. I should be used to this by now.

I’m not a saint, and I know I have my faults. But I’m a good person. I know how big my heart is. Just for once, I would like for it not to be stepped on and abused. That’s all I’m asking.

This sucks. Time to make some more changes in my life. I am sick of being a doormat. I am tired of playing the fool. I’m not going to allow myself, anymore, to be convinced that I am less valuable or not worth someone else’s time. When it’s important, they’ll make time. Until then, I’m not holding my breath. And I may not be around when the light bulb finally comes on.

I have more self worth than that. Eff ‘em. Time for me to concentrate on number one.

November Blog Series: Day 6

Day six finds me in a state of confusion.

A happy state of confusion, though. I feel a little like I’ve approached an intersection with six different directions mapped out in front of me. And each road is paved in gold, with the potential for a happy ending. So begins the next chapter in the book of my life.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not knocking my blessings by any means. I am both grateful and humbled to be forced to contend with some of the decisions I will soon be asked to make. I know there are countless others who are struggling to deal with even the simplest strides in life. This fact reminds me to not to take things, or people, for granted. Every aspect included in my story is all a part of the bigger picture. Each step forward is a new experience. Each sentence is a description of measure that is inevitably building and shaping my character. Each page I turn is progressing up to a pivotal moment in my life. That moment will change me from the plain woman I was born, and transform me into the extraordinary creature God wants me to be.

My personal life is looking up. That decision is an easy one, for I know that God has His hand in it. I’m enjoying this little feeling of butterflies that’s stirring around inside me, and there’s a certain peace of mind knowing it was/is/shall be all written by Him. I feel extremely lucky and content.

On the other hand, my professional life is where the confusion is brewing. It’s not a secret to most of you now that I am a divorcee. That chapter in my life is in the past, and I’ve overcome some pretty surmounting odds in the past year. Little did I know that while everything bad was falling away, I would be showered with a culmination of positive things to counterbalance the negative. I feel like I’m on the flip side of a coin. The tail side (my past) is now lying face down in the dirt. While heads (my future) is lying face up on the sidewalk of possibilities, shiny with the reflection from the overhead sun. Do I risk disturbing the reflection and pick it up to toss it again? Will it land silver side up? Is that part of the story already there and I accidentally read over it?

No matter which road I take, I know it will lead me back in the direction that God wants me to eventually go. I am a little uncertain of the unknown. And while the prospect of starting over in life has a few disadvantages, I am elated with the beautiful chaos of “new” and “exciting” advantages that lie before me. Then again, it should feel like familiar territory. I’ve been “staring over” for a while now. It’s almost like I’ve reread the same paragraph on a page several times, because I allowed something to distract me, momentarily allowing my focus to be compromised. Regardless, even though some parts of the story are not as engrossing as others, I must lumber on through the structure and facts to establish a foundation. Only then, can I start to appreciate how the events develop with a sense of unusual and amazing flair. Each chapter retains a certain worth. Each one is imperative to the story line. Although some are dark and complex, they belong in the same book as the happier ones, for they have helped to create my identity.

So, which way do I go? I don’t know. I just need to pray for God’s advice, and for Him to take away the opportunities He doesn’t want me to seek. My path will be revealed, and I anticipate that I will get lost and make mistakes from time to time. It is all part of my growth in the story. And even if I try my hand at traveling down every route, I take comfort that the roads will merge somewhere up ahead, or loop back around to point me in the right direction. I cannot get lost with God in charge of the navigation.

Still at my crossroads, I am nonetheless confused, but happily overwhelmed. My hesitation is accompanied with the peace in knowing that I have learned to trust myself again to make the best choices for me. Each direction is representative of a specific purpose in my life. A purpose graced with ability, gifted by God. Ability made of certain significance, so that I can use it to its highest capacity to exemplify the talents with which I am honored to be chosen to share.

Stepping forth I realize that every lesson learned has guided and strengthened me for the next phase of my journey. I’ve come to the end of the chapters that were prewritten for me.

It’s time to write my own.