The Face of My Mother

She looks in the mirror and reflected in place
Are the colors and lines of a woman’s face
The brow, nose and lips are a delicate shell
Comprising a history of stories to tell

Her eyes see the humor in life each day
At times they hold sorrow for things gone astray
They see hope without doubt and love without fail
And compared to their warmth, all else is but pale

Her nose is a creature that is sly and wise
It embraces sincerity and sifts out the lies
The smell of home or her garden of flowers
Remind her of joy in its simplest power

Her lips form a multitude of shapes for her life
They’ve parted in laughter; pulled taught through strife
The tones from beneath can be chiding or nice
Full of secrets and wishes, and treasured advice

Her wisdom and faith can be seen in the lines
Bearing honor and grace, aged perfect through time
For the character and features unlike any other
Are the beauty and love in the face of my mother

For my mother, Carol Jean.

I love you, Mom.

Pop-Pop

His overalls were faded blue and oil-stained
And had dirt and grease smears on the seat
An old John Deere cap sat crooked on his brow
And a toothpick was always between his teeth

He feigned surprise and fear at the word “boo”
And he’d give me shiny pennies for good luck
I loved bouncing around next to him on the seat
As we drove around the farm in his old truck

Bellowing from the pew in church on Sunday
Above all others his bass voice would ring
He was talented; a naturally gifted musician
And he could make any instrument sing

I fascinated in watching him concentrate
As his hands and his fingers shook
While he set up an old skinny bamboo pole
And threaded twine through a fishing hook

His grin was enhanced with certain wisdom
And years of laughs and earned wrinkles
His voice and gestures could animate a story
As his eyes held those mischievous twinkles

He loved to piddle and tinker around in his shop
To fix up machines and old engine parts
And a puttering rusty red riding lawn mower
Made for a mighty fine kid’s go-cart

Like a hawk, he’d watch me use his pocketknife
As he instructed me on how to whittle a stick
Afterwards I sit on his lap in his rocking chair
While we sipped a root beer and talked for a bit

He’d tickle me till I had tears in my eyes
From laughing and having so much fun
And he could pull a quarter from his pocket
Faster than a cowboy could draw his gun

He let me sneak popsicles from the freezer
And taste range cubes and chicken feed
My favorite place was next to him in the garden;
He’d scoop out the dirt and I’d drop in a seed

He hung up a rope from the rafter in the barn
So I could swing high and land in the hay
He gave the best horsey rides around on his back
And he never seemed too tired or busy to play

His hands were rough with scars and calluses
Weathered from hard labor over time
And though my hands were small in comparison
I remember how gently his held onto mine

The years that separated us never seemed to matter
For he was my hero, and I was his Kellie Jean
The bond between a grandfather and his special girl
Was unbreakable; one nothing could come between

In November ’04 he left behind a legacy of family
When his spirit went home to Heaven above
There will never be another like my Pop-Pop;
A generous soul of extraordinary friendship and love

Withered Rose

Time is an endless circle, forever spinning round
One day it lifts you high, the next it pulls you down
The ground beneath my feet shall fail and I know I will fall
And lonely is my sacrifice; I fear I have no time at all

Day breaks though my window and I begin to breathe
I reflect my unseen shadow and the mirror just sees me
My soul is trapped within my skin, in a trench that is my heart
All of life has left me in a world of pain and dark

The music rapt within my head is missing and unheard
I dance behind these hollow eyes and sing with silent words
I create a world where hours go by and days turn into years;
Held captive by this dwelling pain and shielded by my tears

I mourn for all my withered roses now replaced with scorn
The joy that was my blooming wish now bears its ugly thorn
The reverence that my soul desires is just beyond my reach
And I long to heal the suffering of the child inside I seek

Father Time shall come once more and take away my sin
Mother Earth shall cast my pride afar and bury ashen skin
My heart will be complete again as Heaven unties her hands
I begin a life, renewed and whole, to emerge from sacred lands

Country Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas
When we all gathered ‘round
To open the presents
From Santa, we’d found

The stockings weren’t hung
By the chimney with care
(‘Cause Mom put ‘em away last year
And couldn’t remember where)

I, in my Aggie shirt,
Furry house shoes and jeans
Had eaten so much
I was bursting at the seams

The little dogs were happy
To hoover the floor
From the tidbits we’d dropped
Only moments before

My BlackBerry was handy
To take pictures of the fam
While Chad roamed the room
With his video cam

Dad sat in the recliner,
Like a king on his throne
As Jen sorted loot
Into piles of our own

Mom wore her apron
As she sat by the tree
And Aislynn kept asking,
“Can we open them? Pleeeeease?”

Soon ribbon was flying
As we all looked inside
To reveal the big secrets
The wrapping helped hide

We oohed and ahhed
At the treasures we’d found
As I soaked in the laughter
And smiled at the sound

There, in that room
With my loved ones so dear
I realized I’m blessed
To have them all near

And then I reflected
From earlier that night
When we’d attended church service
And sang by candlelight

The kids marched on stage
To perform in the play
Complete with a manger,
A doll, and real hay

Their smiles were nervous
As they all took their place
And there was always that one
Who stared off into space

Or had forgotten his lines
Or sang a little off-key
Or mumbled, or shouted,
“Hey, Mom, look at me!”

What a joyous message
About Bethlehem’s star
And some wise men that traveled
From kingdoms afar

They fell on their knees
To worship a boy
Who’d give us salvation
And bring the world joy

Mary and Joseph
Would watch over Him
Until the day came
When He’d die for our sins

I thought about the life
That was given to me;
My wish is for everyone
To see what I see

So let the spirit we feel
During this season of cheer
Overflow from within us
To last the whole year

For the hope that surrounds us
And the gifts we bestow
Was given to us first
So many years ago

Our most gracious Father
Gave us unending love
In the form of a Savior
From Heaven above

Uphill

Whoa. Talk about a blast from the past. It's amazing the things you find...in the top of the closet...in your old bedroom...in your parents' house.

I wrote the following poem when I was sixteen.

Uphill

When life is hard and your burdens are many
And an effort is needed to smile,
Remember to count your blessings;
Let God be in charge for a while.

Look for the silver lining that’s hiding
Behind those gray clouds in the sky.
Mr. Sunshine is waiting to pick up his brush
And paint a big rainbow up high.

Your feet might be bare on a road full of thorns;
Step wisely throughout the terrain.
Those rough spots are little reminders
Of the wisdom and knowledge you’ll gain.

So keep going when you feel like giving up
For your purpose is just up ahead,
Or around the corner and through the gloom;
You’ll find grace on the path you’ve been led.

You shall not falter and your steps will not fail
As you struggle uphill on the road.
The weight of the world is light as a feather,
For God helps to carry your load.

The poem might be over a decade old, but the message is timeless. Hopefully, I'll remember it when it counts.

November Blog Series: Day 9

Day nine.

Fear.

“Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. Some psychologists such as John B. Watson, Robert Plutchik, and Paul Ekman have suggested that fear belongs to a small set of basic or innate emotions. This set also includes such emotions as joy, sadness, and anger. Fear should be distinguished from the related emotional state of anxiety, which typically occurs without any external threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats, which are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable. Worth noting is that fear almost always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable. Fear could also be an instant reaction to something presently happening.” – as defined by Wikipedia

Yep. I think I experienced just about every form of the aforementioned reactions associated with “fear” today. Mix in a good rounded dose of “anxiety” and that just about sums up my day.

Without getting overly personal, I’ll just tell you that, medically, it’s been a rough couple of days. Amazingly enough, I’ve remained of sound mind. Which surprises me. (I have a tendency to worry on occasion.) I know I’ve been in good Hands.

Know what the scary part is? The not knowing. And then finding out that what you (and the doctors) thought they knew is, in fact, not it at all. And that it could be something else. Or nothing at all. If that makes any sense. But, this too, shall pass. And passing it is.

Cutting my blog short tonight. I know I cheated a little bit, but since I wrote two yesterday, I figure they’ve contributed a substantial effort to make up for today’s written shortcomings.

I’ll leave you with a poem that a treasured friend sent me a while back…

This Too Shall Pass

If I can endure for this minute

Whatever is happening to me,

No matter how heavy my heart is

Or how dark the moment may be



If I can remain calm and quiet

With all the world crashing about me,

Secure in the knowledge God loves me

When everyone else seems to doubt me



If I can but keep on believing

What I know in my heart to be true
That darkness will fade with the morning

And that this will pass away, too



Then nothing in life can defeat me

For as long as this knowledge remains

I can suffer whatever is happening

For I know God will break all of the chains



That are binding me tight in the darkness

And trying to fill me with fear

For there is no night without dawning

And I know that my morning is near

- Helen Steiner Rice

To my wonderful prayer warriors… My deepest gratitude goes out to you. You are loved.

November Blog Series: Day 3

Good morning, friends! Welcome to day three. It’s also Wednesday, which means we’re only two more days away from Friday. Yippee! Have lots of things planned for this coming weekend, but if I write about them now I’ll jump the gun on any ideas that may present themselves as potential writing material. You’ll just have to wait and see what I manage to pull out of my hat next. Could be entertaining.

Today is "National Let Someone Have The Last Word" Day. I have never been one to try and have the last word. I’m a lover, not a fighter. However, when I feel passionately about something, I will assert myself when necessary. And rather than broach that subject at length, thus leaving too much room for my mouth to get me in trouble, I will include some of my favorite words intermingled in a handful of my favorite quotes listed below (not all of them are credited)...

Jesus said, "The Kingdom of God is inside you and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood and I am there; lift a stone and you will find Me." (from the Gospel of Thomas)

"For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." (Colossians 1:16-17)

“Woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved."

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." - Henry Ford

"No arsenal, no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women." - Ronald Reagan

Claire: "What is true love?"
John: "True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another."
Claire: "It's a little cheesy, but I like it."
John: "I read it on a bumper sticker."
- Rachel McAdams & Owen Wilson, The Wedding Crashers

"You've got to be kidding me. Grandparents forgetting a birthday?! They live for that s--t!"
- Molly Ringwald, Sixteen Candles

Hamish: "Where're you goin'?"
William Wallace: "To pick a fight."
Hamish: "Well...we didn't get dressed up for nothin'."
- Mel Gibson & Brendan Gleeson, Braveheart

"Do you know what music is? It's God's little reminder that there's somethin' else, besides us, in this universe - harmonic connection between all living beings, everywhere, even the stars."
- Robin Williams, August Rush

"Play the sunset."
- Richard Dreyfus, Mr. Holland's Opus

"You are a great champion. When you ran, the ground shook, the sky opened and mere mortals parted. Parted the way to victory; where you'll meet me in the winner's circle... and I'll put a blanket of flowers on your back."
- Dakota Fanning, Dreamer

On the first rule of flying:
"Love. You can learn all the math in the 'Verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells ya she's hurtin' 'fore she keens. Makes her home."
- Nathan Fillion, Serenity

“I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake, but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance”
- lyrics from “I Hope You Dance” by Lee Ann Womack

"...So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It’s when I’m weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with
the Cobwebs broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig’s having lashed across it open.
I’d like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over...
...I’d like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches."
- excerpt from "Birches" by Robert Frost

Most of the above quotes are on my Facebook page as well. I actually have tons of favorites, but I would end up typing nonstop for the entire day.

I wish you all a blessed Wednesday, my friends. May you never cease to experience enjoyment in the beautiful rhetoric that allows our language to ‘feel’. May you always find humor and poetry in this wonderful ride called ‘life’.

And if you must have the last word, make sure it is a kind one. For we are not promised tomorrow.

Ashes

A shattered reflection stares through me
With eyes that refuse to see
There is unseen grace in the mirror
Replaced by the mask that is me

A glimpse of light behind confusion
Strains through the tears I’ve shed
Adversity has cleared a path of doubt
From the thorn-laden roads I’ve bled

A fire that burned from deep within
Has settled to glowing dust
I draw my face in the shallow surface
To renew my worth, and trust

A promise of hope still pulls me onward
From this dark and crowded tomb
Joy parallels my wayward trials
And drift in and out of the plume

‘Trust me’ says the voice of faith
‘And take each moment in stride’
‘Hold your head high’ it reminds me
‘For your best is still inside’

These fears and doubts are fading;
Let go, and set my soul free
There is beauty in these ashes
And the breathtaking image is me

I wrote this one for me. I needed to remind myself to look for the strength and beauty that I know is there.

There is a Season

As I type this, I am listening to Lullaby by One Republic. How fitting.

I wrote the following poem several years ago, and I came across it today as I was looking through some old files. Today, of all days, it means something so much more to me. Its relevance in my life at the moment is worth sharing. Reading it to myself, I'm amazed at how far I've come. And how far I've yet to go.

One step at a time, remembering my past...and focusing on the path ahead.

Let Go

Life has a purpose that passes through us in seasons
Just as the tree blows a song through her branches
Whispering to us to trust in our own decisions
And allow faith to take charge of our chances

Every now and then, I reflect on the details of yesterday
When life was full of promises and children’s games
Some love and friendships weren’t built to withstand
And often time has chosen not to remember their names

The simplicity of life back then holds all my memories
But the years have made the child in me grow fast
The things I treasure most lie protected in my soul
Graced with the laugher and sunshine from my past

For those seasons change with the coming of age
We are but an infinite ocean, drifting in the ebb and flow
Struggling to make the most of our time in the world
Now is the time to move forward; I can let go

I vaguely remember writing it. Who would’ve thought years later, I would have a better understanding now of something I wrote in my youth of limited wisdom and naivety. It reminded me that things come and go in our lives for a reason. And just as the Bible says, for every thing there is a season. Why do some people have such a profound effect on our lives, and others are merely a whisper of a cloud that changes shape and drifts away?

It would be dishonest of me to say that I wish I didn’t have the answers to why things happen the way they do sometimes. I have high expectations of myself, and perhaps I build others up in my mind and expect the best out of them, too. If part of my purpose on earth is to be the best person I can be to help and support another, then I will humbly give of myself until there is nothing more to give. I only know one way to love and trust, and that is with my entire heart and soul. Often, that leaves me open to vulnerability, betrayal, and hurt. But it’s a hurt I would gladly bear. I’d much rather walk away from something knowing I struggled to overcome the odds, than live with the self-disappointment and doubt that I could’ve done something more.

I can’t question the means by which God puts certain people into our lives for longer than others. Everything and everyone has a plan, for we are all connected by fate, chance, coincidence, and most beautifully, the human spirit. I believe we all endure specific situations and tribulations to make us stronger. Some things teach us to laugh. To sacrifice. To trust. And some to fall. But, every single trial teaches us how to love better – especially ourselves. Perhaps I am placed into another’s life to teach them something about themselves. With the same reasoning, there are people in my life who have strengthened me in some way. Part of me will be incomplete if they are not a permanent place in my journey. Yet, I am comforted with the knowledge that God will fulfill that void with the next aspect of His plan. I only hope that I have returned the support and love as unconditionally as my family and friends have shown me.

We wake up each day, with the gift of breath in our lungs, food in our bellies, and bills to pay. The things we find ourselves fussing about are trivial, menial, when compared to the greater picture. Life is fleeting. How very precious it all is. And how very blessed are we to walk hand in hand, sharing the love, laughter and pain with others in our lives.

Now is the time to let go and allow my past to sleep. My eyes and heart are open as I move into the season of my future. I can’t wait to embrace the beautiful awakening that God has planned for me.