There is a Season

As I type this, I am listening to Lullaby by One Republic. How fitting.

I wrote the following poem several years ago, and I came across it today as I was looking through some old files. Today, of all days, it means something so much more to me. Its relevance in my life at the moment is worth sharing. Reading it to myself, I'm amazed at how far I've come. And how far I've yet to go.

One step at a time, remembering my past...and focusing on the path ahead.

Let Go

Life has a purpose that passes through us in seasons
Just as the tree blows a song through her branches
Whispering to us to trust in our own decisions
And allow faith to take charge of our chances

Every now and then, I reflect on the details of yesterday
When life was full of promises and children’s games
Some love and friendships weren’t built to withstand
And often time has chosen not to remember their names

The simplicity of life back then holds all my memories
But the years have made the child in me grow fast
The things I treasure most lie protected in my soul
Graced with the laugher and sunshine from my past

For those seasons change with the coming of age
We are but an infinite ocean, drifting in the ebb and flow
Struggling to make the most of our time in the world
Now is the time to move forward; I can let go

I vaguely remember writing it. Who would’ve thought years later, I would have a better understanding now of something I wrote in my youth of limited wisdom and naivety. It reminded me that things come and go in our lives for a reason. And just as the Bible says, for every thing there is a season. Why do some people have such a profound effect on our lives, and others are merely a whisper of a cloud that changes shape and drifts away?

It would be dishonest of me to say that I wish I didn’t have the answers to why things happen the way they do sometimes. I have high expectations of myself, and perhaps I build others up in my mind and expect the best out of them, too. If part of my purpose on earth is to be the best person I can be to help and support another, then I will humbly give of myself until there is nothing more to give. I only know one way to love and trust, and that is with my entire heart and soul. Often, that leaves me open to vulnerability, betrayal, and hurt. But it’s a hurt I would gladly bear. I’d much rather walk away from something knowing I struggled to overcome the odds, than live with the self-disappointment and doubt that I could’ve done something more.

I can’t question the means by which God puts certain people into our lives for longer than others. Everything and everyone has a plan, for we are all connected by fate, chance, coincidence, and most beautifully, the human spirit. I believe we all endure specific situations and tribulations to make us stronger. Some things teach us to laugh. To sacrifice. To trust. And some to fall. But, every single trial teaches us how to love better – especially ourselves. Perhaps I am placed into another’s life to teach them something about themselves. With the same reasoning, there are people in my life who have strengthened me in some way. Part of me will be incomplete if they are not a permanent place in my journey. Yet, I am comforted with the knowledge that God will fulfill that void with the next aspect of His plan. I only hope that I have returned the support and love as unconditionally as my family and friends have shown me.

We wake up each day, with the gift of breath in our lungs, food in our bellies, and bills to pay. The things we find ourselves fussing about are trivial, menial, when compared to the greater picture. Life is fleeting. How very precious it all is. And how very blessed are we to walk hand in hand, sharing the love, laughter and pain with others in our lives.

Now is the time to let go and allow my past to sleep. My eyes and heart are open as I move into the season of my future. I can’t wait to embrace the beautiful awakening that God has planned for me.

The Dating Game: Unwanted Attention

Being a woman is every bit a blessing as it sometimes is a curse.

There’s a quote from one of my favorite movies of all time, Sliding Doors: “We’re women. We don’t know what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off when we don’t get it.” As a woman, I can assure you there’s some truth to that statement. On the flip side, there are often several things we do not want. Specifically, unwanted male attention.

Now, don’t misunderstand, not all attention from the opposite sex is unwanted. I love attention from a tall handsome man whom I find attractive. That "like" stops short of the random, slobbering idiots who I’m convinced often expect us to tell them, “Oh, yes, please. Take me now.” Unfortunately, those men are likely the ones who are the most persistent, and their flock of admiration is quickly growing in numbers.

Luckily, most men only have enough blood to supply oxygen to one head at a time, but finding the opportune moment of lucidity to apply the right technique to dissuade their lust could, in fact, be difficult.

Let’s break it down…

The Macho Man
The Macho Man is very impressed with himself, his physique, and the fact that he can crush a beer can against his skull without putting a dent in his hair (if he hasn’t already shaved it off to appear more macho). The Macho Man is not below catcalls and whistles to gain the attention of the opposite sex. Sometimes he shows up in bars, sometimes he cruises around in his LPT (Little Penis Truck), and most times, you find him in the gym, grunting and struggling to take his muscles to a whole new level of macho. He likely enjoys the sight of himself having sex with you more than he actually enjoys sex. His narcissistic nature will not allow him to compliment anything about you (with the exception of body parts). Stroking his ego is his number one priority, so unless you have a high-tolerance for testosterone, beer and pizza, any long-term potential with The Macho Man is highly doubtful. Oh, and The Macho Man never cries.

The Lovesick Puppy
Chances are, The Lovesick Puppy was probably denied breast milk as a baby, and so his primary infatuation stems from all things mammary. This man can also be found in public places, usually at the bar or the video/book store. At the bar, he hovers around you with a nervous smile, just waiting for you to look over at him. He doesn’t care if you have a brain, or even arms and legs. At the video/book store, he is the one slowly creeping closer to you as you peruse the Romantic Angst section. When you smell a faint hint of corn chips and mothballs, he has triumphantly invaded your personal space. The Lovesick Puppy will build an entire relationship in his mind, based off of one look, and he will likely propose to you after he’s bought you a drink. He will tell you he loves you after the first date, and if you succumb to a moment of delusion and actually sleep with him, prepare to have a shadow for the rest of your life. The Lovesick Puppy often becomes The Stalker.

The Stalker
No matter how nice you are, or how many blatant hints you drop on this guy (short of knocking him upside the head with a sledgehammer), he doesn’t know when to leave you alone. Part of you is flattered by the attention, while the other part of you is seriously weirded out. Generally speaking, all bets are off with The Stalker. He is depraved enough to believe that you actually invite the attention, and no moral, ethical or personal boundaries are too contradictory for him to attempt to violate. Chances are, he has already cyber-stalked you, so what he doesn’t know about your online life, he will soon learn about your physical one – usually with binoculars and coincidental appearances in the places you frequent. The Stalker is usually harmless, for he lacks the assertiveness and social skills to actually confront you. If you ignore him, he will probably go away. At least, until the day of your wedding... He’ll be the guy no one recognizes, lurking in the background of every candid moment caught on camera.

The Brooding Artist
Be it musician, writer, poet or painter, this guy has passion radiating out of every pore of his body. The Brooding Artist sees the world much differently than his other male accomplices. He is masculine, but in touch with his feminine side. He likes sports, but prefers to watch a foreign film instead of football. The Brooding Artist is well versed, articulate and has a smoldering gaze guaranteed to make you swoon. He is able to turn every aspect of his participation in the world into a philosophical approach to a deeper understanding of the elements in correlation with the soul. If you ever get the chance to sleep with The Brooding Artist, it will be an encounter beyond your most earth-moving fantasies. He is all about pleasing you and connecting with you on a higher plane of existence. Attention from The Brooding Artist is almost always welcomed. But, unfortunately, most long-term relationships with him are unattainable. He is in constant conflict with his inner self; he usually surrenders to self-absorption and reclusiveness in his efforts to express himself artistically.

The Pretty Boy
Usually spotted on the local country club golf course, or driving around in his Porsche Cayenne or BMW, The Pretty Boy has a palpable allure of arrogance, charm and perfectly highlighted locks. Whether J. Crew, or corporate Ralph Lauren, he is the very essence of attraction, with a twist of preppiness. He is often a repeating legacy of his father’s law firm, in politics, or the manager of a major financial company. If you receive attention from The Pretty Boy, then chances are you are quite the looker yourself. If you have any common sense – at all – you will turn and head in the opposite direction away from this guy. He could care less if you have the personality of a hairbrush, as long as your hair is blonde, your breasts are surgically enhanced, and your clothes are not off the rack. The Pretty Boy expects you to look just as good as he does (which, face it, is not remotely possible), while attending brunch at the club, posing for charity event photos, or mingling at the polo field. In the event that you do develop any long-standing commitment with The Pretty Boy, be prepared to have heated conflicts over vacationing in The Hamptons, “mother says…”, and keeping track of his weekly mani/pedis and hair appointments.

Of course, there are numerous classes with which to pigeonhole the male character – let’s not forget The Techie, The Clown, The Jock (similar to The Macho Man), The Cowboy, The Sailor, and The Dreamer – which are all pretty self-explanatory and fairly easy to handle. Though, based on my own experience, the previously-mentioned five are the most popular.

Here are a few tips I’ve come up with that should help successfully divert the unwanted attention:

1. Ask him if his back hair is thick and curly. Like yours!
2. Growl menacingly. Bonus points if you can foam at the mouth.
3. Tell him you’ve already picked out the names of your children. This will scare most guys away. Most.
4. Ask him his thoughts on a vasectomy as a means of birth control.
5. Have your journal with you. Offer to read it together.
6. Tell him you must consult your other personalities to get their approval before you can date him.
7. Tell him you think his receding hairline is kind of cute.
8. Vomit on his shirt. Unfortunate for him. Hugely gratifying for you.
9. Tell him you have a quiz in Cosmo that you want him to take…to see if the two of you are compatible of course!
10. Offer immediately to introduce him to your mother.
11. Offer immediately to organize his closet.
12. Stare incredulously at his nose and chin the entire time he’s talking to you, occasionally shaking your head in disgust.
13. Ask him, “Can you keep a secret?” Look from side to side, suspiciously, and then pull up your shirt to show him your superhero spandex. (Warning: doesn't work on the The Lovesick Puppy)
14. Offer to take him shopping. Now.
15. Tell him you’re a plastic surgeon, and you’ve been looking for a face like his to complete your pro bono hours.
16. Twitch. A lot. Tell him it’s a residual side-effect from a Radon leak at your former apartment.
17. Speak in tongues.
18. Tell him you’d like him to meet your little friend, and then pull out an action figure of Optimus Prime from your purse. Insist that he’s “more than meets the eye”.
19. Tell him you haven’t been off your meds long enough to really socialize with anyone.
20. Show him a picture of a guy friend, and tell him it’s you – before the operation.

Well, my friends, there you have it. All is fair in love and war, and the little mystery in the game of life known as ‘dating’. And remember to be respectful of the laws of attraction. God made us women irresistible for a reason.

So take pride in all of those quirky, unwanted advances from men. Today you might call them irritating. Tomorrow, you might call them ‘husband’.

Politics, In My Opinion...

I’m going to go out on a limb and talk about the big “P”.

Politics.

Before I begin, I would like to reflect on one of my all time favorite Calvin and Hobbes quotes, from the mind of the creative epic genius, Bill Watterson:

Calvin: “Hobbes, why do you think people can think so much faster than they speak?”
Hobbes: “Probably so they can think twice.”

Throwing all reservations to the wind, there are a few things I would like to say regarding the subject at hand. I’ve thought about them. A lot. If your concern is being politically correct, or you are easily offended, then stop reading now. Seriously.

You’ve been warned.

First, I would like to say that I am a proud, Texas Conservative. I have no shame in standing up for what I believe. I am also a God-fearing Christian. Recently, I’ve heard endless debates as to whether or not our Constitution (and our nation) was founded on Christian principles.

To quote Tex Browing: “The intent of the First Amendment was well understood during the founding of our country. The First Amendment was not written to keep religion out of government. It was to keep Government from establishing a 'National Denomination’ (like the Church of England). As early as 1799 a court declared: "By our form of government the Christian religion is the established religion; and all sects and denominations of Christians are placed on the same equal footing." Even in the letter that Thomas Jefferson wrote to the Baptists of Danbury Connecticut (from which we derive the term "separation of Church and State") he made it quite clear that the wall of separation was to insure that Government would never interfere with religious activities because religious freedom came from God, not from Government.”

“Granted, God is not mentioned in the Constitution, but He is mentioned in every major document leading up to the final wording of the Constitution. For example, Connecticut is still known as the "Constitution State" because its colonial constitution was used as a model for the United States Constitution. Its first words were: "For as much as it has pleased the almighty God by the wise disposition of His Divine Providence…"

“Most of the fifty-five Founding Fathers who worked on the Constitution were members of orthodox Christian churches and many were even evangelical Christians. The first official act in the First Continental Congress was to open in Christian prayer, which ended in these words: "...the merits of Jesus Christ, Thy Son, our Savior. Amen". Sounds Christian to me.”

Based on my Christian morals and beliefs, I stand behind the following, with valor and unrelenting stubbornness:

Point number 1: Same-sex marriage

I believe in Creation, not the Theory of Evolution. I do not, have not, and will not ever believe that my species began as a one-celled organism, developed lungs, grew legs, swung from trees and then learned to use tools. I believe that God created man and woman (see Bible: Genesis – great explanation there).

Continuing on that note, I believe in Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. I think God designed the human bodies of a man and a woman to fit together with corresponding beauty. Add into the mix a diverse array of personalities and appearances that grace this earth, and I consider the human race to be blessed to have such a wonderful variety from which to select our potential partners in life. I have friends that choose a homosexual lifestyle. I do not condemn them for it. As a Christian, God forbids my judgment on others, lest I judge myself first and foremost. However, I do not condone their choice either. That is between them and their own religious beliefs.

I do not believe it is a chemical/hormonal imbalance. It is a choice. Period. I choose to be heterosexual. I have a healthy respect for attraction, and I’m secure enough in my own sexuality that I can find another woman to be achingly beautiful without lusting for her. Personally, I prefer strong arms and hands, and a deep voice. It’s just how I’m designed.

I believe that the sanctimony of marriage should only be between a man and woman. I understand the viewpoint with regards to obtaining the same rights as a “traditional” married couple. I personally believe that the separation of church and state is profoundly necessary regarding this issue. If the foundation of marriage is to be recognized as a spiritual connection with the unity of God, church and partnership, then the government should have no opinion in how to dictate that union. What a blatant contradiction; one that is repeatedly ignored and painted with a coat of blasé . I think that entire argument should be entirely discredited and trashed. I don’t think someone should have to be related by blood, or a legal document, to demonstrate the capacity of love or concern for another, especially when it comes to extreme circumstances. If those stipulations were non-existent, then I doubt I would continue to write this portion of my blog. On a similar note, I fail to recognize where a legal court document will convince you, or others, that you are in a committed, loving relationship. I think there are a lot more serious laws to consider passing; such as the prevention of domestic violence, child abuse, hunger prevention, etc.

Point number 2: Illegal immigration

If you believe there is not a legitimate problem with illegal immigration in this country then I can’t wait for Mars to build a subdivision, because you belong there.

I need identification to do almost everything in life – drive a car, get a job, open a checking account, get a membership at the gym…the list could go on. It astounds me that the same people who are ranting and raving about Arizona’s law haven’t even bothered to read the facts before mouthing off. Here, I’ll provide you with the specifics:

Excerpt from Senate Bill 1070

B. FOR ANY LAWFUL CONTACT MADE BY A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL OR AGENCY OF THIS STATE OR A COUNTY, CITY, TOWN OR OTHER POLITICAL SUBDIVISION OF THIS STATE WHERE REASONABLE SUSPICION EXISTS THAT THE PERSON IS AN ALIEN WHO IS UNLAWFULLY PRESENT IN THE UNITED STATES, A REASONABLE ATTEMPT SHALL BE MADE, WHEN PRACTICABLE, TO DETERMINE THE IMMIGRATION STATUS OF THE PERSON. THE PERSON'S IMMIGRATION STATUS SHALL BE VERIFIED WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT PURSUANT TO 8 UNITED STATES CODE SECTION 1373(c).
C. IF AN ALIEN WHO IS UNLAWFULLY PRESENT IN THE UNITED STATES IS CONVICTED OF A VIOLATION OF STATE OR LOCAL LAW, ON DISCHARGE FROM IMPRISONMENT OR ASSESSMENT OF ANY FINE THAT IS IMPOSED, THE ALIEN SHALL BE TRANSFERRED IMMEDIATELY TO THE CUSTODY OF THE UNITED STATES IMMIGRATION AND CUSTOMS ENFORCEMENT OR THE UNITED STATES CUSTOMS AND BORDER PROTECTION.
D. NOTWITHSTANDING ANY OTHER LAW, A LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY MAY SECURELY TRANSPORT AN ALIEN WHO IS UNLAWFULLY PRESENT IN THE UNITED STATES AND WHO IS IN THE AGENCY'S CUSTODY TO A FEDERAL FACILITY IN THIS STATE OR TO ANY OTHER POINT OF TRANSFER INTO FEDERAL CUSTODY THAT IS OUTSIDE THE JURISDICTION OF THE LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY.
E. A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER, WITHOUT A WARRANT, MAY ARREST A PERSON IF THE OFFICER HAS PROBABLE CAUSE TO BELIEVE THAT THE PERSON HAS COMMITTED ANY PUBLIC OFFENSE THAT MAKES THE PERSON REMOVABLE FROM THE UNITED STATES.

See the phrase in Section E that states, “…has probable cause to believe that the person has committed any public offense…”? Contrary to debate, that means that an officer of the law cannot single out an individual simply for kicks and grins. They must have reasonable suspicion. It is not racial profiling, or discrimination, to ask someone to provide proof of identity/citizenship. And, if you’re running away from just having robbed a convenient store, or stealing a car, or harming another person, then the police have a right to shoot your sorry ass on the spot.

I am looking forward to the day when this law is passed in Texas.

I am beyond blessed to have been born in America, so perhaps I cannot understand the desperation some feel to be a part of a democracy (I use the word loosely nowadays). But, it is not my responsibility to pay for medical care, education, or the livelihood of those who are here illegally. I feel immensely for the children of such circumstances. My heart goes out to them. But, there are numerous other ways to obtain legal citizenship. Some just take a little longer than others.

I have infinite issues with this, which would naturally lead into my next topic: health care. But, I do not have the time or patience to tackle that issue today. I’m a little like a bull in a China shop with that debate. I go barging in and leave lots of broken pieces in my wake.

Point number 3: Affirmative Action

Years ago, when I was a naïve 20-year-old, I worked for the Minority Division in the Office of Graduate Studies at my hometown college. Boy, were my eyes opened! I don’t admit to being thick-skinned, and I often wear my feelings on my shoulders. I cried on a nearly daily basis while I worked there. No amount of convincing, arm-twisting, or sob stories I’ve been privy to (past, present and future), will change my mind or make me feel any differently about the issues I was exposed to. The victim mentality that was embraced in that position will forever sit sour in my stomach.

I parlay a huge risk by saying this aloud, but I believe Affirmative Action is an obvious form of reverse discrimination. Especially from an educational standpoint. You are not a victim. You were not a slave. Your grandparents were probably not even slaves. My ancestors crucified Jews, but I don’t see anyone holding that against me. And I’m not walking around with any delusional assumptions that a Nazi persona lies deep inside me. I am sick sick sick of people playing the race card to obtain benefits, scholarships, higher pay, medical privileges, food stamps, welfare and/or handicapped parking. And I am furious beyond words that I continue to bust my rear to make an honest living, only to see it taxed and divided up so that it can be handed to someone who chooses to sit on their couch, watch soap operas and eat Cheetohs all day. Shame. On. You.

Tangent. Back on course…

I was unaware that the color of your skin determined your level of intelligence. If anything, I might be offended if I was offered a leg up because someone didn’t think I had enough ambition or savvy to strive to do something on my own. But, alas, we are what we create. Society, and the people in it, have created the I'm owed something attitude, and the gimme expectations that encourage us to behave in a fashion of entitlement. And don’t give me that crap about not having the opportunity. You have more opportunities than I will ever see in my lifetime, because you are a “minority”. The census has estimated that by the end of the year 2010, the Hispanic population will outnumber the Caucasion population by twenty to one. In Texas alone! I’m not that great at math, but it seems the term “minority” is a bit misleading.

Case in point. Why was President Obama elected? I can name a handful of car salesman off the top of my head that would be better suited to the job. Before you call me a racist, let me just tell you that I don’t care what color his skin is, or what his religious beliefs are. He could have purple and green polka dots and a third eye. If he’s the best man for the job, then I have no qualms about voting him into office. But, did America vote for him because he’s the most highly-qualified candidate, or has the best agenda for leading this nation? No. He was voted into office because he is a "minority". People crawled out of the woodwork to vote during this last election. What does that say about how far we’ve come to silence racism over the last several decades? Nothing. We’ve managed to throw all progress to the wind and further perpetuate the very issue we fought so hard to overcome.

I long for a day that people will stop labeling each other in America. We all put our pants on the same way. We all have the same heart beating inside us. We all bleed. We all have hopes and dreams, fears and passions. When will we start seeing each other as human beings and not as colors?

Point number 4: Just a few more things I have a problem with…

I am pro-life. All the way. God doesn’t make mistakes. Every child, no matter how brief his life may be, was created by His hand, and we do not have the right to interfere with that. No matter the circumstances. Consider adoption. And next time, keep in mind that a $3.00 contraception will likely squelch the need to resort to a $300+ operation.

Nicely shifting into my next subject, how can you believe in abortion, but oppose capital punishment? Do you realize how much of a hypocrite you are? Wake up! People that commit crimes heinous enough to land them on death row are not owed, nor do they deserve, basic human rights. And they most certainly do not deserve to eat three square meals a day, flat screen televisions, a college education and a paying job while behind bars…all funded by my tax dollars.

I know it’s up to God, but I hope there’s no room in heaven for murderers, rapists, pedophiles, child abusers, violent offenders or animal abusers.

I think the welfare system should be abolished. I think a few more people should be pulling their weight.

I think smoking should be considered a felony. Of course, that will never happen. The almighty dollar still has the control. But, I have a big fat problem with litigious suits against tobacco companies because you chose to smoke two packs a day for the last ten/twenty years. If you want to drag around an iron lung, be my guest. But, I have a right not to be subjected to your cancer-laden secondhand smoke because you can’t give up your disgusting habit.

I think there should be a limit on how many cats one person can own. If I ever have more than two cats, please shoot me. Really.

I don’t believe in global warming. Until people start spontaneously combusting in plain sight, I won’t be convinced. I live in Texas. It’s hot here. But over the last 800 or so years, the temperature has only increased by a degree. Hmm.

I think English should be the required, and primary, spoken language in America.

I think deodorant should be mandatory.

George Bush was no more responsible for hurricane Katrina than Barrack Obama is for the oil spill. Do presidents control the elements? What’d I miss?

If you have a problem with my God, then don’t spend American money. “In God We Trust” is still evident on the bill.

I think people shouldn’t be eligible to vote until they pass a fairly extensive test regarding the specifics and functionality of government and politics, and the history of the United States of America.

I don’t think tires on a truck should be level with the head of the person driving it (when they’re standing next to it).

I am horribly offended at the idea of a Mosque being constructed at Ground Zero. That place is sacred. You wouldn’t build Atlantis on Titanic’s gravesite would you?

Fair warning if you ever try to take my gun, my land, my flag or harm my family…I know lots of places to hide a body.

Well, that’s it for today, folks. I feel a little better after releasing some pent up frustrations about politics and life in general. Of course, I could go on all day and never actually achieve any purpose or point to my arguments. It would be sublime to get paid for my ranting and raving. Maybe I should pursue a career in politics after all.

You Actually Left the House Wearing That??!

Today will be fondly known as “Soapbox Wednesday”. Maybe I’ll start a tradition…

My diatribe today is in regards to fashion. People come in all shapes and sizes. That is part of the blessing of the various appearances the human race has to offer. Color, creed and religious preferences aside, we are all human beings. I have a saying, “We are all the same color; just different shades”. But, alas, everyone does not dress alike. That in itself can often amount to being nothing short of a catastrophe, thus proving we are shades apart.

Lately, I have begun to question the fashion with which the human race is donning. It seems we are getting bigger (thanks drive-thrus), and the clothing is getting smaller. Most of us have embraced a lackadaisical lifestyle for which we take no pride or class in our exteriors. Don’t get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to his/her own peculiar tastes and choices in style. However, that fact does not make it appropriate to share some of your choices with the public.

The summary of my unsolicited advice is this:
1. Young ladies, please put on some clothing. Public sidewalks are not a runway for modeling the latest mid-drift.
2. Young men, please turn your hat around and wear it correctly and pull up your damn jeans. I know I’m not the only person who cares if you’re wearing your Scooby-Doo boxers or not.

Rarely do I ever set foot outside of my house without making sure I’m completely dressed. In fact, the only time I’ve ever been scantily clad in public view is when I’m having one of those terrible dreams where I’m rollerskating down the halls of my old high school, and then suddenly, I look down and realize I’m stark naked. And somehow, the only thing I can find to cover myself is an old pink and green quilt I’m pretty certain is stashed in my locker – and I can’t remember the combination to it.

Back to my point…

I’ve heard countless arguments that adults just don’t understand today’s youth. Not true. I understand that you have such little consideration for others (and yourself), that you can’t bother to exude any more effort to getting dressed in the morning, besides rolling out of bed and putting on the first articles of clothing you find on your floor. This applies to both sexes. When did it become acceptable to wear pajama pants and a t-shirt as common attire? Now, I’m all about comfort, I just believe that some clothing should be worn in the privacy of your own home. And ladies, when you’re wearing a skirt that is so short that your butt cheeks touch the chair when you sit down, take time to reconsider putting on something else. I’m positive a well-placed trash bag would be more attractive (with the right shoes, of course). I don’t care how cute your figure is; leave something to the imagination. On the same note, just because they make some styles in a size 7XX, doesn’t mean it’s the most flattering look for you. It’s no surprise to me that some men have lost respect for a majority of the young ladies out there. If you present yourself as a meat market, sooner or later, the only thing a guy will want to do is chew on the steak for a while. Show a little class.

And men, unless you’re a bona fide gang-banger or thug, please turn your baseball caps around and wear them in the manner for which they were designed. There are very few men that can pull off that look. Kudos to you, Fiddy. And the pants… **sigh** Where do I even begin? Years ago, when my sister and I were entering the wonderful world of dating, my dad made sure to give us fair warning about boys showing up to our house with their pants sagging below their waist. He vowed to permanently affix their jeans in the correct place with his staple gun. At the time, we were mortified that he would actually follow through with his threat. Nowadays, I find myself lurking in corners of the mall, holding a staple gun, just waiting to leap out and pounce on my unsuspecting victim.

As well, I place plenty of blame on the fashion industry. I love clothes. I hate shopping. I’m lucky enough to have an hourglass figure, but finding clothes to fit me is nearly impossible – like an honest act of congress. Most of the styles are made for pre-pubescent stick figure heroine addicts. ‘They’ say that fashion recycles. Well, welcome back to the 80s, folks. Neon colors and leggings are back. And I swear to you, if Velcro shoes ever thrive again, I will move to another planet. Some things need to go away forever. Like, Justin Beiber, the Jonas Bros. and Miley Cyrus (subject for another blog). And I cannot bring myself, ever, to get on board with girls above the age of 10 wearing bows anywhere on their head. Did you just get finished with cheer leading camp? Do you realize that you look like total moron? Just wanted to make you aware of that. N’kay?

And I know guys don’t have it much easier. I’m sure it’s hard to decide between acid-wash skinny jeans and a $90 t-shirt with all of that shaggy hair falling across your eyes. I’ll make it easy for you. Men do not look good in skinny jeans. At all. Give me a clean-cut, tall man in a pair of casual jeans and a Stetson cowboy hat any day of the week. Shirt is optional, especially if you resemble Joe Manganiello (Not familiar with him? See True Blood). **swoon** Yeehaw!

Living in a college town makes it easy to observe the interesting clothing combinations available to the helpless span of humans that roam Earth. Fashion can be a bit challenging at times. It is often entertaining, if not a bit sad. Open head, insert brain. Basic common sense should be a fairly easy concept to ascertain when it comes to the principles of applying clothing to specific areas of the body.

So I leave you with this final, sound advice. Social media is the wave of the future. Almost everything and everyone is accessible via the internet. Prospective employers will take a look at how you present yourself, both in the past, and for any potential future job endeavors. Try to sustain some aspect of virtue. Keep your clothes on.

Problem with my post? Refer to the First Amendment.

Time to sign off. I have some shopping to do. And I need to make sure my staple gun is loaded.

Hello, my name is Kellie. And I'm a Shoe-aholic.

I am often baffled and perplexed when taking into consideration the addictions that humans form. Myself included. Words that come to mind when attempting to describe said addictions are: habit, compulsion, dependence, need, obsession, craving and infatuation. All of these words can be attributed to my worship of shoes. I am a shoe-aholic. And I do not, nor do I ever intend to, apologize for my addiction. Ladies, holla!

So that the men-folk (in particular) have a better grasp on the subject, I will explain, in great detail, why I cannot live without shoes.

Reason number one: I have great taste and style, and am often encouraged to express myself through fabulous footwear.

Reason number two: Below you will find a clarification of the previously mentioned terms...

HABIT - This is no different than blinking or swallowing. Some habits are much less socially-acceptable than others, like spitting, picking your nose, or adjusting your "package" (ahem, men). A shoe habit is simply good taste. You wouldn't leave the house without brushing your teeth and making sure you have on deodorant, right? Well, there you go. Wearing/purchasing cute shoes is an admirable habit to make part of your daily routine. It just makes good sense. And 'snaps' for making that habit a stylish one!

COMPULSION - This is what usually happens when a herd of women decide to return to their mother ship. The 'mother ship' is cleverly disguised to thwart the men. Some of the most common 'mother ships' are Bandolino, Nine West, DSW, Zappos...to name a few. We must check in from time to time with our mother ship to gratify our obligations to the shoe gods. The compulsion must be satisfied in order to keep planetary peace. We all want world peace. I'm convinced that if everyone had a great pair of shoes, world peace may, indeed, be attainable.

DEPENDENCE - Do you depend on air to breathe? Or coffee in the morning? Well, I depend on shoes to function. And so do most other women. We depend on our shoes for various reasons, all of which are completely legit. We depend on them to make us feel sexy, sassy, or sophisticated. Men stand to benefit the most from our boost in self-confidence. When we feel good, we make sure our men do, too. I think I just sufficiently made my point.

NEED - Pretty self-explanatory. But for argument's sake, let's elaborate. Do men really need three types of electric drills? Or up to fourteen different golf clubs in a set? I can hear you shouting "yes" at the computer. And each golf club serves a specific purpose, so you need them. Correct? Likewise, each pair of shoes serves a particular purpose. For example, we need a low, sensible heel for the office (depending on where we work). A stiletto is a multipurpose shoe: not only does it elongate the appearance of the leg, making us feel taller and more sexy, the heel can be a deadly weapon against an attacker (or some idiot provoking us during PMS). A tennis shoe is good for bee-bopping around town - like visiting the mother ship, or working out. The point is, all shoes are needed. If we didn't need them, they would get their feelings hurt. And that's just sad.

OBSESSION - If I could stalk my shoes I would. It's not illegal. There have even been a few times when I've considered clubbing another woman over the head in order to knock her unconscious...so I could steal her shoes. A woman's obsession with her shoes is not a matter with which to be trifled. E-V-E-R. **polishing my knife**

CRAVING - Just like a person goes to a buffet because he craves a smorgasbord of food, a woman craves a wide variety of shoes. And like me, most are not above purchasing the same shoe in different colors, because it satisfies our craving for diversity and style. We all have different tastes, some of us more adept at refining it than others, but cravings are a necessary ploy to further tempt us to a level of life beyond satisfaction. It's the American Dream. Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if manufacturers ceased to make shoes, because - gasp - god forbid, women stopped craving them?! The economy would go to hell...in a bad pair of retro, velcro, two-toned polyester shoes. **cringe**

INFATUATION - With life, comes a certain amount of passion. Passion drives people to venture outside of their limits. Passion encourages creativity, progress, enthusiasm and zeal. Infatuation is a very unique form of passion. Infatuation is a healthy dose of lust for the sole - er, soul. I just happen to have a very healthy infatuation with my shoes. All 118 pairs of them.

And last but not least...

Reason number three - I am a woman. No further explanation required.

Well, there you have it. I don't consider it a label, or a stereotype, to be called a "shoe-aholic". Truth be told, it's quite a compliment. In fact, my love of shoes shall no longer be referred to as a habit of devotion. Henceforth, it shall be a vice.

Public Displays of Affection

For those of you out there who never learned what is deemed to be an appropriate amount of public displays of affection (PDA), I will be more than happy to share my opinion with you.

As I'm typing this, I'm distracted by a couple in my peripheral vision who needs to learn the rules. They are practically procreating on a couch in the coffee house that has become my second home for writing my book. It's like a car wreck. Can't. Look. Away. I'm both appalled, and slightly intrigued by their obvious affection for each other. I'm having a hard time concentrating. I may even have to smoke a cigarette after it's all said and done. And I don't smoke. Ever.

Based on their present involvement with each other, I can only deduce the following:

1. They haven't seen each other for quite some time, thus failing to resist the urge to publicly express their desires. Maybe they're just showing off. If this is the case, surely they could've have been more creative in their venue selection. Geez, you two. Time to come up for air!

2. They are European. Everyone knows that Europeans are the masters of romance and passion. That is indisputable. I think it's in the water over there. Nevertheless, if they are European, perhaps they aren't aware of the rules.

3. They are newly in love. Now, I'm not knocking the euphoric feeling of longing or lusting after another while in the process of falling head over heels. It is a wonderful feeling. Just feel it behind closed doors. I don't want the scent of your pheromones interfering with the aroma of my latte.

4. They are blind. And they have no regard for others. Obviously, this is not the case, as there are no seeing eye dogs anywhere on the premises, and if there were, the mood would have them amorously humping the legs of innocent bystanders. In a place that serves food and beverages, this would be highly unsanitary. Unless we were in Europe.

5. I'm being featured on a hidden camera. I have a feeling this must be the most likely scenario, because right about now my face resembles a tomato with hair from the humiliation. I can still hear their lips smacking and the tiny little moans emanating from between them. I've craftily given the illusion that I'm absorbed in my music with my earbuds plugged in, but find myself getting caught up in the atmosphere. Sneaky.

So, in light of the above motives for making out in public, I leave you with the rules. They are simple to follow, as there are only a couple. They are:

1. If it's anything more than a nice hug, holding hands, or a quick peck, don't do it.
2. There is no other rule.

*Note: the operative word in rule #1 being "nice". If you have any questions as to what "nice" implies, then you are probably a repeat PDA offender.

Simple enough, right? Seems they've finally slowed down. Oh, wait, they've stopped. I feel like applauding. Anyone have a light?

Maroon & White vs. Green & Gold

Since it is now after midnight, I can officially say 'good morning' to my followers (my faithful few).

My life has been on a whirlwind ride as of late. In addition to the air of anticipation with the onset of the coming season, I must admit I have some reservations about how to successfully convert (or divert?) a specific person's attention away from a tasteless color scheme duo of green and gold (ick!) to the much bolder, richer maroon and white. I'm talking about football, people. Specifically, Texas A&M vs. Baylor. Now, for all you past, present and future Aggies out there, you understand where I'm coming from. But how does one persuade another individual of the opposing mindset to think outside the box? Stockholm Syndrome is no laughing matter, and I can only imagine is very hard to disassociate oneself from his captor once the brain has atrophied into a state of submission. However, my argument holds water. Seriously. It is quite evident that Aggies are superior to Bears.

I will prove it. Emotions and color schemes aside, we will begin our investigation with a lesson in terms. Which brings us to my next question...What is an Aggie?

Wikipedia defines an Aggie as the following: Aggie may be a diminutive form of the given names Agnatha, Agamemnon, Agata/Agatha, or Agnes. It may also be a diminutive form of a family name that begins with 'Ag-'. See also Aggy.

Texas A&M Aggies (variously A&M or Texas Aggies) refers to the sports teams of Texas A&M University. The nickname "Aggie" is common at land-grant or "Ag" (agriculture) schools in many states. The teams compete in Division I of NCAA sports. Texas A&M was a charter member of the Southwest Conference until its dissolution and subsequent formation of the Big 12 Conference in 1996. The athletic program competes in the South Division of the Big 12, along with Baylor University, Oklahoma State University, Texas Tech University, the University of Oklahoma, and the University of Texas. Texas A&M's official school colors are maroon and white. The teams are referred to as Aggies and the mascot is a pure-bred collie named Reveille.

If you're still unclear on the definition of what an Aggie is, chances are, you call him "Boss".

And just to show you I'm impartial to discrimination, Wikipedia gives a nice little definition of a bear:

Bears are mammals of the family Ursidae. Bears are classified as caniforms, or doglike carnivorans, with the pinnipeds being their closest living relatives. Although there are only eight living species of bear, they are widespread, appearing in a wide variety of habitats throughout the Northern Hemisphere and partially in the Southern Hemisphere. Bears are found in the continents of North America, South America, Europe, and Asia. Common characteristics of modern bears include a large body with stocky legs, a long snout, shaggy hair, plantigrade paws with five nonretractile claws, and a short tail. While the polar bear is mostly carnivorous and the giant panda feeds almost entirely on bamboo, the remaining six species are omnivorous, with largely varied diets including both plants and animals.

Identities aside, let's break it down into scientific terms: Bipeds vs. Quadrupeds. See? Any topic laced with factual evidence is a strong one. I love being an Aggie. I'm always right. :) Stop laughing, you two percenters!

Bipedalism is a form of terrestrial locomotion where an organism moves by means of its two rear limbs, or legs. An animal or machine that usually moves in a bipedal manner is known as a biped, meaning "two feet" (from the Latin bi for "two" and ped for "foot"). Types of bipedal movement include walking, running, or hopping, on two appendages (typically legs).

All of the defined aforementioned movements are things the Aggie football team is highly adept at performing. Have you ever seen a bear play football? There's a reason Animal Planet doesn't host sporting events.

Quadrupedalism is a form of land animal locomotion using four limbs or legs. An animal or machine that usually moves in a quadrupedal manner is known as a quadruped, meaning "four feet" (from the Latin quad for "four" and ped for "foot"). The majority of walking animals are quadrupeds, including mammals such as BEARS, cattle and cats, and reptiles, like lizards.

How, may I pose the question, does one play football on all fours? The answer: He doesn't. And can you imagine what the uniforms would look like? Wretched!

Now, I mean no disrespect to my fellow football fans out there, especially those who made the wrong choice not to attend Texas A&M. Not everyone can be perfect. I mean, where else can you find the tradition and spirit that 'can ne'er be told'? I agree with the motto, "From the outside looking in, you can't understand it. From the inside looking out, you can't explain it." Well, I can sum it up: Maroon and white is the bomb, baby! All other colors suck! **sticks tongue out** Ninner ninner.

But go ahead. I won't begrudge you your dirty little habit of lusting after green and gold (you know who you are). If you want to look like a pimpin' Irish bear, be my guest. You'll likely find sympathy with people if you tell them you're colorblind. My advice to you is to save the bears for cuddling, and allowing them to cleanse the planet's gene pool by snacking on their share of selective forest idiots (aka Baylor freshmen).

I, myself, prefer to look like a winner. I proudly wear my Aggie Maroon! Provoke a bear, and he'll probably growl, bite and maim you. Provoke an Aggie, and he'll plow his way down the field to score the touchdown. Farmers Fight! WHOOP!