Monday, February 22, 2010

Annoying People at the Movies

Okay... I love going to the movies as much as the next person. I do not, however, enjoy others at the movies. Or maybe I've just lost my patience with people's rudeness and inconsideration in general.

So begins my story.

Recently, my sister and I decided to steal some girl time and go to the movies. Both of us purchased a please-rip-me-a-new-one (translation: overpriced) drink, and Jen got a pickle. We then ventured into the theatre to see "Leap Year."

As we sat there, both of us marveled at all the single guys in the theatre. Strange. My first thought was that they were trying to earn some sort of brownie points with their significant others. My second thought was that if the previous were true, why weren't their significant others with them? My third thought was that maybe they had a soft spot for romantic comedies. Wrong on all accounts.

About half way into the previews, a message came onto the screen instructing us to put on our 3-D glasses. Oops. We had wandered into the wrong theatre. Both of us laughing at our doofusness, we found the correct theatre (ahem - next door). We settled into our seats still making fun of ourselves.

I should have know the couple with their granddaughter that came in AFTER the movie started and sat down (a couple of seats over and to the right in front of us) were going to put my tolerance levels to the test. Oh yes, lest we forget the group of tweens that came about the same time and sat directly behind us.

Here's a good rating of my tolerance/patience levels (in order):
1 – sigh in frustration
2 – bite my lip, usually accompanied by #1
3 – grunt loudly, in hopes that it will get the idiot’s attention
4 – speak up and let the perpetrator know of my irritation
5 – throw things
6 – want to stab someone in the eye sockets
7 – want to pour acid over their flesh
8 – do something that lands me in jail
9 – do something that lands me in a padded room
10 – do something so diabolical and clever, that the rest of the moviegoers have nothing left to do but to sit back in awe of my rage and cheer me on in my wrath

So the grandparents with their "entitled" (my sister's term) grandchild, talked quite a bit during the beginning of the movie. All became quiet, and I was able to relax and enjoy the movie…

…until the girl took out her iPhone and began texting.

Non-stop texting.

So, at this moment, I’m at about a “3” and the girl still hasn’t taken the hint. The woman directly in front of me (to the girl’s left) was also sighing and doing everything she could to make her irritation known (short of beating the girl over the head).

I was about to hit hypersonic from a 3 to a 7, when my diplomatic side emerged. Yes, I have a peaceful side. I can’t very well inform everyone about the proper movie etiquette, or common sense mannerisms for life in general (though, at times, I’d like to). I leaned over, and as nicely as I could I said, “Would you mind turning that off, please. It’s very distracting.” To which she huffed and said, “Yes” in a very snide way. (Calm, Kellie. Find your happy place.) The woman in front of me chimed in and said harshly, “Yes, it’s bothering me, too.”

Luckily, that was the end of the texting debacle, but the girl did get up about three times to leave the theatre and come back. To feed her texting addiction, no doubt.

But alas, my friends, the story is not quite over.

Outside the theatre, while awaiting my sister’s return from the ladies room, I see the girl standing outside with her grandparents. She is crying, or rather whining. She is explaining to her grandmother about the mean girl who told her to stop texting during the movie, despite the fact that her grandmother was right next to her and was witness to the crime. I guess she didn’t realize it was me she was referring to, and that I was less than five feet from her. She probably didn’t recognize me without the evil iPhone glow that cast me with fangs and horns in the dark of the theatre. Her grandmother is hugging her and attempting to comfort her saying, “It’s okay, baby. They just don’t understand you.”


I mean, really. WTF??!

Seems to me she probably should have had more spankings growing up. I got spanked. A lot. And I turned out just fine. Manners and everything.

So remember your movie etiquette, friends. And have fun!

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