Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Fall

For every action there is a reaction…that’s a well-known fact. I’m not quite sure if I believe in the whole “butterfly effect” (aka chaos theory), but some days it seems my life encapsulates the sensitive conditions that welcome those dynamic results.

Are we conditioned to believe that for everything good in our lives, there is some equivocal counterpart of bad to partner it? Are we destined to fail as much as we succeed? Is our destiny (or fate) predetermined? I think not. I believe we are faced with a certain amount of challenges as we go through life, and the choices and decisions we make lead us down the next path. Right or wrong, we learn.

Lately, I find myself contemplating the bigger picture. During the course of the last year, I’ve gone through some pretty significant life changes. I've struggled to get to where I am today, and I wear my scars as proudly as I wear my pride. But, sometimes, just when everything is looking up, I find myself waiting for the walls to come crashing in – or the other shoe to fall. I am a healthy combination of an optimist and a realist, with a little bit of cynicism for added flavor. Dream big, I say. I like to think I can inhale the clouds and feel the soil between my toes at the same time. And the cynic in me knows I’m going to be pelted with my share of bird poo and bugs every now and again.

Do people make their own luck, or are coincidences just in their favor? Perhaps it’s a bit of both. Winning the lottery is lucky. Earning millions with good old-fashioned hard work and investing wisely is a good example of someone making their own luck. Would winning the lottery be nice? Uh, yeah. But, being able to appreciate the value of a dollar, having worked hard to get ahead, is invaluable. Of course, with my luck I’d win the lottery and get killed in a car accident the next day. See? There’s the cynic you all know and love.

Back to my point…

So, does ‘waiting for the other shoe to fall’ bank on pessimism? Or realism? I am a firm believer that you are what you think. If you constantly harbor negativity with the expectation that bad events will occur and things will fall apart, then guess what, they will. Though, from the realistic point of view, I believe it is only natural to be prepared for things to come. And wise. That’s not to insinuate to embrace an unhealthy foreboding of doom, but rather, to take the good with the bad. Hope for the best, but expect that things will go awry every once in a while. It is usually in those moments that humbleness takes a second to smack us upside the head. And I find myself laughing at life. There is humor around every corner. It is from that laughter that I have learned the most about myself.

Know what I’ve learned?
That I really am strong.
I really am worthy.
My faith is the one thing that keeps me on the straight and narrow.
I appreciate the tiny moments of pandemonium that make life so unique.
And, I have endless amounts of room in my heart to love.

I’m in a great place in my life at present. I’m happier than I’ve been in a really long time. At the same time, I find myself questioning that happiness. Do I deserve it? Hope so. Am I just fooling myself? Maybe. But, oh how lovely are the moments of wonder, joy, appreciation and hope that hover around me; my fear and doubt are slowly being defeated by them. Thanks be to God, for I know He is responsible. All I have to do is turn away from the dark, and He is there in the light. Together with Him, my faith is strong enough to move mountains, or cross the deepest sea. Poetic words, I know, but ordinary phrases just don’t encompass the sheer awe of His love and grace.

It makes sense to couple hope with doubt, love with contempt, strength with weakness, and so on. Judging by my own life experiences, I’ve found that my darkest moments are often those from which I receive the most knowledge – mostly about myself and how far I’m willing to push my capabilities. Revisiting the "chaos theory", I’ve discovered the down that accompanies every up is just God’s little way of keeping us respectful. It’s His way of reminding us that we need Him, and that He is in control.

There are many days I wish I could have a ‘do over’ (yesterday being one of them). A series of unfortunate events – albeit coincidences – causes me to take into consideration all of the things in my life that are good and true. Sometimes it’s healthy to just sit back, shake my head, and have a good laugh at my own expense. The sensitive condition in all of these events is me. Life is the dynamic result. Some days I just have to tighten up my laces and get ready for a wild ride. And at the end of it, instead of waiting for the other shoe to fall, I’m prepared to kick it off and buy a new pair.

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes: “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist hopes it will change; the realist adjusts his sails.”

Time to go adjust my sails.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The End of the Rainbow

“Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true”

Familiar lyrics. My skies have been gray for a while now. During the course of the last year, a culmination of storms has been looming over my life, creating a veil of self-doubt and shielding me from the sunshine. When I finally took the time to count my blessings, and stopped wallowing in self-pity, something wonderful happened. The clouds began to dissipate, allowing little bursts of brilliant blue to peek through every now and again.

Yesterday, while driving home with my sister and niece in the car, we spotted a rainbow. It didn’t appear to be very vivid, as it was softened through the haze of fog that had settled on the ground from the contrast of the cool droplets of rain and the humidity rising from the earth. Looking ahead in the road through the trees, we spotted what appeared to be the end of the rainbow. It reached down from the sky, the colors bleeding into the muddled green backdrop of the forest. It was breathtaking. We passed directly under it, and it disappeared quickly behind us. My sister and I, both wide-eyed in amazement, looked to each other to confirm that what we had witnessed was not a hallucination. It was, truly, the end of the rainbow. The proverbial, highly coveted mirage so gloriously wished to gaze upon in poetry and dreams. It’s real.

Every single day is filled with little miracles from above. Reflecting on yesterday, I started thinking about my life. I’ve been wandering around for a while now, seemingly searching for my rainbow. Little did I know that all along, it has been inside me, just waiting to shine. What I realized is those azure glances from the sky were a combination of the colors of my soul, coming back to life. Each shade represents something unique about me, blended together to create the perfect prism – a complicated, passionate, hopeful woman, blessed by the grace of God, and humbled by her humanity.

Red is the color of passion. It is undying and flows from within me, touching every aspect of what my life is, who I am, and what I aspire to be. The greatest of this passion is love, and I choose to give it unconditionally and whole-heartedly.

Orange is the color of hope. Of all the things I hope for in life, the one thing that stands clear and true in my mind is that I leave this earth having made a difference. When all else is lost, or confusion and doubt is at hand, hope will overshadow them.

Yellow is the color of happiness. Be it returning a smile from a stranger, singing along to a good song on the radio, or sitting on the front porch listening to the evening wind, the simple pleasures mean something so much more to me now.

Green is the color of new beginnings. Like the tiny buds that bloom on a tree after a long winter, I’m wiping the sleep from my eyes to awaken to a new spring, a fresh season of new opportunities in my life.

Blue is the color of possibilities. It stretches out before me, vast and endless like the sky, begging me to embrace my future. It is filled with the clouds of similar souls on my journey. The bright hues are precious moments. The deep indigo hues encourage me to improve on my mistakes.

Violet is the color of mystique. The aching beauty of mortality is so much more vibrant when colored by the mystery of the unknown. I am not guaranteed to wake up each day, so I will treasure each moment.

My passage under the arch of the rainbow was brief, but those few seconds touched my soul. I emerged on the other side with a newfound appreciation of my existence, and all of the wonderful miracles that make it so beautiful. My faith, family and friends are the treasures that make each day priceless.

I’m learning to fall in love with life again. What a beautiful descent.

“Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me…”

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


It seems time has accelerated ever since the end of August. The spirit of football is palpable in the atmosphere. Department stores are already getting a head start on Christmas décor. The temperatures are slowly dropping, and a little bit of daylight is being shaved off the tail end of every single day.

Since we still have a few months left until we embark on 2011, I seem to have an endless list of things to complete. And speaking of busy months, October is fast approaching and it will be a month of exciting activities for me. I literally have something going on every weekend. Normally, I would celebrate my birthday in October, but I’ve decided that I will not age this year. Instead, I will regress slowly back to my youth. Eventually, I’ll be the oldest looking twenty-year-old anyone has ever seen.

As I type this, there is a dirty old man across from me in the café where I’m working on writing my book. He was hitting on me earlier, but I think he finally got the hint that I wasn’t in the least bit interested. So, he has resorted to pulling his cap down strategically over his eyes to appear to be sleeping. From where I am, I can see him watching the young girls as they learn, laugh, lounge, and walk back in forth to get their Venti triple-shot skinny mocha lattes. There, I’ve managed to use alliteration and an oxymoron in once sentence. Checkmark for today.

Which got me thinking about other things that creep me out. In honor of the coming “creepy” month of October (and my non-birthday), here are two lists - things that creep me out, and my bucket list (in no particular order):

Things That Creep Me Out (or just make me cringe sometimes)

1. Dirty old men (saw that one coming, huh?)
2. Gummy, dried up gunk on the rim of the ketchup bottle
3. PDA (see earlier blog)
4. Getting a paper cut in the web of my fingers
5. Nails across a chalkboard
6. Snakes
7. The words “pebble, nibble” and “dribble” (don’t ask)
8. The smell of stuffed bell peppers and meatloaf (sorry, Mom)
9. Hearing someone else throw up (I’m a sympathetic puker)
10. Maggots, and people who don't wash their hands after they've used the bathroom (I consider them one in the same)
11. The layer of scum on my teeth after I’ve consumed something sticky or sugary
12. Bad spelling
13. Bad grammar
14. Techno music
15. Being trapped in a small space and running out of oxygen

My Bucket List (subject to change without notice)

1. Go skydiving
2. Professionally record and produce a CD of my own songs
3. Visit Australia, Italy, Ireland and Germany
4. Own/drive a 1967 Shelby Mustang GT 500 (that car is sex on wheels, see Gone in 60 Seconds)
5. Go hiking in the mountains and/or vacation in a mountain cabin in the winter
6. Learn a new language (I’m only fluent in two: English and Sarcasm)
7. Marry the love of my life
8. Build my dream home
9. Fill it with the sounds of children’s laughter
10. Attend at least one NFL game at the Cowboys Stadium
11. Go mach-10 with my hair on fire while riding in a fighter jet
12. Publish my book (and write another one, or two...)
13. Open/fund a shelter for abused animals
14. Find another arrowhead (I’ve only ever found one, but I constantly scour the rocks looking for another)
15. Leave this earth, knowing I kept my faith, lived life to the fullest, and made a difference in someone else’s life

That’s all for today. Short and sweet. Like me! Oh yeah…and a little bit of sarcasm thrown in for good measure.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

There is a Season

As I type this, I am listening to Lullaby by One Republic. How fitting.

I wrote the following poem several years ago, and I came across it today as I was looking through some old files. Today, of all days, it means something so much more to me. Its relevance in my life at the moment is worth sharing. Reading it to myself, I'm amazed at how far I've come. And how far I've yet to go.

One step at a time, remembering my past...and focusing on the path ahead.

Let Go

Life has a purpose that passes through us in seasons
Just as the tree blows a song through her branches
Whispering to us to trust in our own decisions
And allow faith to take charge of our chances

Every now and then, I reflect on the details of yesterday
When life was full of promises and children’s games
Some love and friendships weren’t built to withstand
And often time has chosen not to remember their names

The simplicity of life back then holds all my memories
But the years have made the child in me grow fast
The things I treasure most lie protected in my soul
Graced with the laugher and sunshine from my past

For those seasons change with the coming of age
We are but an infinite ocean, drifting in the ebb and flow
Struggling to make the most of our time in the world
Now is the time to move forward; I can let go

I vaguely remember writing it. Who would’ve thought years later, I would have a better understanding now of something I wrote in my youth of limited wisdom and naivety. It reminded me that things come and go in our lives for a reason. And just as the Bible says, for every thing there is a season. Why do some people have such a profound effect on our lives, and others are merely a whisper of a cloud that changes shape and drifts away?

It would be dishonest of me to say that I wish I didn’t have the answers to why things happen the way they do sometimes. I have high expectations of myself, and perhaps I build others up in my mind and expect the best out of them, too. If part of my purpose on earth is to be the best person I can be to help and support another, then I will humbly give of myself until there is nothing more to give. I only know one way to love and trust, and that is with my entire heart and soul. Often, that leaves me open to vulnerability, betrayal, and hurt. But it’s a hurt I would gladly bear. I’d much rather walk away from something knowing I struggled to overcome the odds, than live with the self-disappointment and doubt that I could’ve done something more.

I can’t question the means by which God puts certain people into our lives for longer than others. Everything and everyone has a plan, for we are all connected by fate, chance, coincidence, and most beautifully, the human spirit. I believe we all endure specific situations and tribulations to make us stronger. Some things teach us to laugh. To sacrifice. To trust. And some to fall. But, every single trial teaches us how to love better – especially ourselves. Perhaps I am placed into another’s life to teach them something about themselves. With the same reasoning, there are people in my life who have strengthened me in some way. Part of me will be incomplete if they are not a permanent place in my journey. Yet, I am comforted with the knowledge that God will fulfill that void with the next aspect of His plan. I only hope that I have returned the support and love as unconditionally as my family and friends have shown me.

We wake up each day, with the gift of breath in our lungs, food in our bellies, and bills to pay. The things we find ourselves fussing about are trivial, menial, when compared to the greater picture. Life is fleeting. How very precious it all is. And how very blessed are we to walk hand in hand, sharing the love, laughter and pain with others in our lives.

Now is the time to let go and allow my past to sleep. My eyes and heart are open as I move into the season of my future. I can’t wait to embrace the beautiful awakening that God has planned for me.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Dating Game: Unwanted Attention

Being a woman is every bit a blessing as it sometimes is a curse.

There’s a quote from one of my favorite movies of all time, Sliding Doors: “We’re women. We don’t know what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off when we don’t get it.” As a woman, I can assure you there’s some truth to that statement. On the flip side, there are often several things we do not want. Specifically, unwanted male attention.

Now, don’t misunderstand, not all attention from the opposite sex is unwanted. I love attention from a tall handsome man whom I find attractive. That "like" stops short of the random, slobbering idiots who I’m convinced often expect us to tell them, “Oh, yes, please. Take me now.” Unfortunately, those men are likely the ones who are the most persistent, and their flock of admiration is quickly growing in numbers.

Luckily, most men only have enough blood to supply oxygen to one head at a time, but finding the opportune moment of lucidity to apply the right technique to dissuade their lust could, in fact, be difficult.

Let’s break it down…

The Macho Man
The Macho Man is very impressed with himself, his physique, and the fact that he can crush a beer can against his skull without putting a dent in his hair (if he hasn’t already shaved it off to appear more macho). The Macho Man is not below catcalls and whistles to gain the attention of the opposite sex. Sometimes he shows up in bars, sometimes he cruises around in his LPT (Little Penis Truck), and most times, you find him in the gym, grunting and struggling to take his muscles to a whole new level of macho. He likely enjoys the sight of himself having sex with you more than he actually enjoys sex. His narcissistic nature will not allow him to compliment anything about you (with the exception of body parts). Stroking his ego is his number one priority, so unless you have a high-tolerance for testosterone, beer and pizza, any long-term potential with The Macho Man is highly doubtful. Oh, and The Macho Man never cries.

The Lovesick Puppy
Chances are, The Lovesick Puppy was probably denied breast milk as a baby, and so his primary infatuation stems from all things mammary. This man can also be found in public places, usually at the bar or the video/book store. At the bar, he hovers around you with a nervous smile, just waiting for you to look over at him. He doesn’t care if you have a brain, or even arms and legs. At the video/book store, he is the one slowly creeping closer to you as you peruse the Romantic Angst section. When you smell a faint hint of corn chips and mothballs, he has triumphantly invaded your personal space. The Lovesick Puppy will build an entire relationship in his mind, based off of one look, and he will likely propose to you after he’s bought you a drink. He will tell you he loves you after the first date, and if you succumb to a moment of delusion and actually sleep with him, prepare to have a shadow for the rest of your life. The Lovesick Puppy often becomes The Stalker.

The Stalker
No matter how nice you are, or how many blatant hints you drop on this guy (short of knocking him upside the head with a sledgehammer), he doesn’t know when to leave you alone. Part of you is flattered by the attention, while the other part of you is seriously weirded out. Generally speaking, all bets are off with The Stalker. He is depraved enough to believe that you actually invite the attention, and no moral, ethical or personal boundaries are too contradictory for him to attempt to violate. Chances are, he has already cyber-stalked you, so what he doesn’t know about your online life, he will soon learn about your physical one – usually with binoculars and coincidental appearances in the places you frequent. The Stalker is usually harmless, for he lacks the assertiveness and social skills to actually confront you. If you ignore him, he will probably go away. At least, until the day of your wedding... He’ll be the guy no one recognizes, lurking in the background of every candid moment caught on camera.

The Brooding Artist
Be it musician, writer, poet or painter, this guy has passion radiating out of every pore of his body. The Brooding Artist sees the world much differently than his other male accomplices. He is masculine, but in touch with his feminine side. He likes sports, but prefers to watch a foreign film instead of football. The Brooding Artist is well versed, articulate and has a smoldering gaze guaranteed to make you swoon. He is able to turn every aspect of his participation in the world into a philosophical approach to a deeper understanding of the elements in correlation with the soul. If you ever get the chance to sleep with The Brooding Artist, it will be an encounter beyond your most earth-moving fantasies. He is all about pleasing you and connecting with you on a higher plane of existence. Attention from The Brooding Artist is almost always welcomed. But, unfortunately, most long-term relationships with him are unattainable. He is in constant conflict with his inner self; he usually surrenders to self-absorption and reclusiveness in his efforts to express himself artistically.

The Pretty Boy
Usually spotted on the local country club golf course, or driving around in his Porsche Cayenne or BMW, The Pretty Boy has a palpable allure of arrogance, charm and perfectly highlighted locks. Whether J. Crew, or corporate Ralph Lauren, he is the very essence of attraction, with a twist of preppiness. He is often a repeating legacy of his father’s law firm, in politics, or the manager of a major financial company. If you receive attention from The Pretty Boy, then chances are you are quite the looker yourself. If you have any common sense – at all – you will turn and head in the opposite direction away from this guy. He could care less if you have the personality of a hairbrush, as long as your hair is blonde, your breasts are surgically enhanced, and your clothes are not off the rack. The Pretty Boy expects you to look just as good as he does (which, face it, is not remotely possible), while attending brunch at the club, posing for charity event photos, or mingling at the polo field. In the event that you do develop any long-standing commitment with The Pretty Boy, be prepared to have heated conflicts over vacationing in The Hamptons, “mother says…”, and keeping track of his weekly mani/pedis and hair appointments.

Of course, there are numerous classes with which to pigeonhole the male character – let’s not forget The Techie, The Clown, The Jock (similar to The Macho Man), The Cowboy, The Sailor, and The Dreamer – which are all pretty self-explanatory and fairly easy to handle. Though, based on my own experience, the previously-mentioned five are the most popular.

Here are a few tips I’ve come up with that should help successfully divert the unwanted attention:

1. Ask him if his back hair is thick and curly. Like yours!
2. Growl menacingly. Bonus points if you can foam at the mouth.
3. Tell him you’ve already picked out the names of your children. This will scare most guys away. Most.
4. Ask him his thoughts on a vasectomy as a means of birth control.
5. Have your journal with you. Offer to read it together.
6. Tell him you must consult your other personalities to get their approval before you can date him.
7. Tell him you think his receding hairline is kind of cute.
8. Vomit on his shirt. Unfortunate for him. Hugely gratifying for you.
9. Tell him you have a quiz in Cosmo that you want him to take…to see if the two of you are compatible of course!
10. Offer immediately to introduce him to your mother.
11. Offer immediately to organize his closet.
12. Stare incredulously at his nose and chin the entire time he’s talking to you, occasionally shaking your head in disgust.
13. Ask him, “Can you keep a secret?” Look from side to side, suspiciously, and then pull up your shirt to show him your superhero spandex. (Warning: doesn't work on the The Lovesick Puppy)
14. Offer to take him shopping. Now.
15. Tell him you’re a plastic surgeon, and you’ve been looking for a face like his to complete your pro bono hours.
16. Twitch. A lot. Tell him it’s a residual side-effect from a Radon leak at your former apartment.
17. Speak in tongues.
18. Tell him you’d like him to meet your little friend, and then pull out an action figure of Optimus Prime from your purse. Insist that he’s “more than meets the eye”.
19. Tell him you haven’t been off your meds long enough to really socialize with anyone.
20. Show him a picture of a guy friend, and tell him it’s you – before the operation.

Well, my friends, there you have it. All is fair in love and war, and the little mystery in the game of life known as ‘dating’. And remember to be respectful of the laws of attraction. God made us women irresistible for a reason.

So take pride in all of those quirky, unwanted advances from men. Today you might call them irritating. Tomorrow, you might call them ‘husband’.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Politics, In My Opinion...

I’m going to go out on a limb and talk about the big “P”.


Before I begin, I would like to reflect on one of my all time favorite Calvin and Hobbes quotes, from the mind of the creative epic genius, Bill Watterson:

Calvin: “Hobbes, why do you think people can think so much faster than they speak?”
Hobbes: “Probably so they can think twice.”

Throwing all reservations to the wind, there are a few things I would like to say regarding the subject at hand. I’ve thought about them. A lot. If your concern is being politically correct, or you are easily offended, then stop reading now. Seriously.

You’ve been warned.

First, I would like to say that I am a proud, Texas Conservative. I have no shame in standing up for what I believe. I am also a God-fearing Christian. Recently, I’ve heard endless debates as to whether or not our Constitution (and our nation) was founded on Christian principles.

To quote Tex Browing: “The intent of the First Amendment was well understood during the founding of our country. The First Amendment was not written to keep religion out of government. It was to keep Government from establishing a 'National Denomination’ (like the Church of England). As early as 1799 a court declared: "By our form of government the Christian religion is the established religion; and all sects and denominations of Christians are placed on the same equal footing." Even in the letter that Thomas Jefferson wrote to the Baptists of Danbury Connecticut (from which we derive the term "separation of Church and State") he made it quite clear that the wall of separation was to insure that Government would never interfere with religious activities because religious freedom came from God, not from Government.”

“Granted, God is not mentioned in the Constitution, but He is mentioned in every major document leading up to the final wording of the Constitution. For example, Connecticut is still known as the "Constitution State" because its colonial constitution was used as a model for the United States Constitution. Its first words were: "For as much as it has pleased the almighty God by the wise disposition of His Divine Providence…"

“Most of the fifty-five Founding Fathers who worked on the Constitution were members of orthodox Christian churches and many were even evangelical Christians. The first official act in the First Continental Congress was to open in Christian prayer, which ended in these words: "...the merits of Jesus Christ, Thy Son, our Savior. Amen". Sounds Christian to me.”

Based on my Christian morals and beliefs, I stand behind the following, with valor and unrelenting stubbornness:

Point number 1: Same-sex marriage

I believe in Creation, not the Theory of Evolution. I do not, have not, and will not ever believe that my species began as a one-celled organism, developed lungs, grew legs, swung from trees and then learned to use tools. I believe that God created man and woman (see Bible: Genesis – great explanation there).

Continuing on that note, I believe in Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. I think God designed the human bodies of a man and a woman to fit together with corresponding beauty. Add into the mix a diverse array of personalities and appearances that grace this earth, and I consider the human race to be blessed to have such a wonderful variety from which to select our potential partners in life. I have friends that choose a homosexual lifestyle. I do not condemn them for it. As a Christian, God forbids my judgment on others, lest I judge myself first and foremost. However, I do not condone their choice either. That is between them and their own religious beliefs.

I do not believe it is a chemical/hormonal imbalance. It is a choice. Period. I choose to be heterosexual. I have a healthy respect for attraction, and I’m secure enough in my own sexuality that I can find another woman to be achingly beautiful without lusting for her. Personally, I prefer strong arms and hands, and a deep voice. It’s just how I’m designed.

I believe that the sanctimony of marriage should only be between a man and woman. I understand the viewpoint with regards to obtaining the same rights as a “traditional” married couple. I personally believe that the separation of church and state is profoundly necessary regarding this issue. If the foundation of marriage is to be recognized as a spiritual connection with the unity of God, church and partnership, then the government should have no opinion in how to dictate that union. What a blatant contradiction; one that is repeatedly ignored and painted with a coat of blasé . I think that entire argument should be entirely discredited and trashed. I don’t think someone should have to be related by blood, or a legal document, to demonstrate the capacity of love or concern for another, especially when it comes to extreme circumstances. If those stipulations were non-existent, then I doubt I would continue to write this portion of my blog. On a similar note, I fail to recognize where a legal court document will convince you, or others, that you are in a committed, loving relationship. I think there are a lot more serious laws to consider passing; such as the prevention of domestic violence, child abuse, hunger prevention, etc.

Point number 2: Illegal immigration

If you believe there is not a legitimate problem with illegal immigration in this country then I can’t wait for Mars to build a subdivision, because you belong there.

I need identification to do almost everything in life – drive a car, get a job, open a checking account, get a membership at the gym…the list could go on. It astounds me that the same people who are ranting and raving about Arizona’s law haven’t even bothered to read the facts before mouthing off. Here, I’ll provide you with the specifics:

Excerpt from Senate Bill 1070


See the phrase in Section E that states, “…has probable cause to believe that the person has committed any public offense…”? Contrary to debate, that means that an officer of the law cannot single out an individual simply for kicks and grins. They must have reasonable suspicion. It is not racial profiling, or discrimination, to ask someone to provide proof of identity/citizenship. And, if you’re running away from just having robbed a convenient store, or stealing a car, or harming another person, then the police have a right to shoot your sorry ass on the spot.

I am looking forward to the day when this law is passed in Texas.

I am beyond blessed to have been born in America, so perhaps I cannot understand the desperation some feel to be a part of a democracy (I use the word loosely nowadays). But, it is not my responsibility to pay for medical care, education, or the livelihood of those who are here illegally. I feel immensely for the children of such circumstances. My heart goes out to them. But, there are numerous other ways to obtain legal citizenship. Some just take a little longer than others.

I have infinite issues with this, which would naturally lead into my next topic: health care. But, I do not have the time or patience to tackle that issue today. I’m a little like a bull in a China shop with that debate. I go barging in and leave lots of broken pieces in my wake.

Point number 3: Affirmative Action

Years ago, when I was a naïve 20-year-old, I worked for the Minority Division in the Office of Graduate Studies at my hometown college. Boy, were my eyes opened! I don’t admit to being thick-skinned, and I often wear my feelings on my shoulders. I cried on a nearly daily basis while I worked there. No amount of convincing, arm-twisting, or sob stories I’ve been privy to (past, present and future), will change my mind or make me feel any differently about the issues I was exposed to. The victim mentality that was embraced in that position will forever sit sour in my stomach.

I parlay a huge risk by saying this aloud, but I believe Affirmative Action is an obvious form of reverse discrimination. Especially from an educational standpoint. You are not a victim. You were not a slave. Your grandparents were probably not even slaves. My ancestors crucified Jews, but I don’t see anyone holding that against me. And I’m not walking around with any delusional assumptions that a Nazi persona lies deep inside me. I am sick sick sick of people playing the race card to obtain benefits, scholarships, higher pay, medical privileges, food stamps, welfare and/or handicapped parking. And I am furious beyond words that I continue to bust my rear to make an honest living, only to see it taxed and divided up so that it can be handed to someone who chooses to sit on their couch, watch soap operas and eat Cheetohs all day. Shame. On. You.

Tangent. Back on course…

I was unaware that the color of your skin determined your level of intelligence. If anything, I might be offended if I was offered a leg up because someone didn’t think I had enough ambition or savvy to strive to do something on my own. But, alas, we are what we create. Society, and the people in it, have created the I'm owed something attitude, and the gimme expectations that encourage us to behave in a fashion of entitlement. And don’t give me that crap about not having the opportunity. You have more opportunities than I will ever see in my lifetime, because you are a “minority”. The census has estimated that by the end of the year 2010, the Hispanic population will outnumber the Caucasion population by twenty to one. In Texas alone! I’m not that great at math, but it seems the term “minority” is a bit misleading.

Case in point. Why was President Obama elected? I can name a handful of car salesman off the top of my head that would be better suited to the job. Before you call me a racist, let me just tell you that I don’t care what color his skin is, or what his religious beliefs are. He could have purple and green polka dots and a third eye. If he’s the best man for the job, then I have no qualms about voting him into office. But, did America vote for him because he’s the most highly-qualified candidate, or has the best agenda for leading this nation? No. He was voted into office because he is a "minority". People crawled out of the woodwork to vote during this last election. What does that say about how far we’ve come to silence racism over the last several decades? Nothing. We’ve managed to throw all progress to the wind and further perpetuate the very issue we fought so hard to overcome.

I long for a day that people will stop labeling each other in America. We all put our pants on the same way. We all have the same heart beating inside us. We all bleed. We all have hopes and dreams, fears and passions. When will we start seeing each other as human beings and not as colors?

Point number 4: Just a few more things I have a problem with…

I am pro-life. All the way. God doesn’t make mistakes. Every child, no matter how brief his life may be, was created by His hand, and we do not have the right to interfere with that. No matter the circumstances. Consider adoption. And next time, keep in mind that a $3.00 contraception will likely squelch the need to resort to a $300+ operation.

Nicely shifting into my next subject, how can you believe in abortion, but oppose capital punishment? Do you realize how much of a hypocrite you are? Wake up! People that commit crimes heinous enough to land them on death row are not owed, nor do they deserve, basic human rights. And they most certainly do not deserve to eat three square meals a day, flat screen televisions, a college education and a paying job while behind bars…all funded by my tax dollars.

I know it’s up to God, but I hope there’s no room in heaven for murderers, rapists, pedophiles, child abusers, violent offenders or animal abusers.

I think the welfare system should be abolished. I think a few more people should be pulling their weight.

I think smoking should be considered a felony. Of course, that will never happen. The almighty dollar still has the control. But, I have a big fat problem with litigious suits against tobacco companies because you chose to smoke two packs a day for the last ten/twenty years. If you want to drag around an iron lung, be my guest. But, I have a right not to be subjected to your cancer-laden secondhand smoke because you can’t give up your disgusting habit.

I think there should be a limit on how many cats one person can own. If I ever have more than two cats, please shoot me. Really.

I don’t believe in global warming. Until people start spontaneously combusting in plain sight, I won’t be convinced. I live in Texas. It’s hot here. But over the last 800 or so years, the temperature has only increased by a degree. Hmm.

I think English should be the required, and primary, spoken language in America.

I think deodorant should be mandatory.

George Bush was no more responsible for hurricane Katrina than Barrack Obama is for the oil spill. Do presidents control the elements? What’d I miss?

If you have a problem with my God, then don’t spend American money. “In God We Trust” is still evident on the bill.

I think people shouldn’t be eligible to vote until they pass a fairly extensive test regarding the specifics and functionality of government and politics, and the history of the United States of America.

I don’t think tires on a truck should be level with the head of the person driving it (when they’re standing next to it).

I am horribly offended at the idea of a Mosque being constructed at Ground Zero. That place is sacred. You wouldn’t build Atlantis on Titanic’s gravesite would you?

Fair warning if you ever try to take my gun, my land, my flag or harm my family…I know lots of places to hide a body.

Well, that’s it for today, folks. I feel a little better after releasing some pent up frustrations about politics and life in general. Of course, I could go on all day and never actually achieve any purpose or point to my arguments. It would be sublime to get paid for my ranting and raving. Maybe I should pursue a career in politics after all.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

You Actually Left the House Wearing That??!

Today will be fondly known as “Soapbox Wednesday”. Maybe I’ll start a tradition…

My diatribe today is in regards to fashion. People come in all shapes and sizes. That is part of the blessing of the various appearances the human race has to offer. Color, creed and religious preferences aside, we are all human beings. I have a saying, “We are all the same color; just different shades”. But, alas, everyone does not dress alike. That in itself can often amount to being nothing short of a catastrophe, thus proving we are shades apart.

Lately, I have begun to question the fashion with which the human race is donning. It seems we are getting bigger (thanks drive-thrus), and the clothing is getting smaller. Most of us have embraced a lackadaisical lifestyle for which we take no pride or class in our exteriors. Don’t get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to his/her own peculiar tastes and choices in style. However, that fact does not make it appropriate to share some of your choices with the public.

The summary of my unsolicited advice is this:
1. Young ladies, please put on some clothing. Public sidewalks are not a runway for modeling the latest mid-drift.
2. Young men, please turn your hat around and wear it correctly and pull up your damn jeans. I know I’m not the only person who cares if you’re wearing your Scooby-Doo boxers or not.

Rarely do I ever set foot outside of my house without making sure I’m completely dressed. In fact, the only time I’ve ever been scantily clad in public view is when I’m having one of those terrible dreams where I’m rollerskating down the halls of my old high school, and then suddenly, I look down and realize I’m stark naked. And somehow, the only thing I can find to cover myself is an old pink and green quilt I’m pretty certain is stashed in my locker – and I can’t remember the combination to it.

Back to my point…

I’ve heard countless arguments that adults just don’t understand today’s youth. Not true. I understand that you have such little consideration for others (and yourself), that you can’t bother to exude any more effort to getting dressed in the morning, besides rolling out of bed and putting on the first articles of clothing you find on your floor. This applies to both sexes. When did it become acceptable to wear pajama pants and a t-shirt as common attire? Now, I’m all about comfort, I just believe that some clothing should be worn in the privacy of your own home. And ladies, when you’re wearing a skirt that is so short that your butt cheeks touch the chair when you sit down, take time to reconsider putting on something else. I’m positive a well-placed trash bag would be more attractive (with the right shoes, of course). I don’t care how cute your figure is; leave something to the imagination. On the same note, just because they make some styles in a size 7XX, doesn’t mean it’s the most flattering look for you. It’s no surprise to me that some men have lost respect for a majority of the young ladies out there. If you present yourself as a meat market, sooner or later, the only thing a guy will want to do is chew on the steak for a while. Show a little class.

And men, unless you’re a bona fide gang-banger or thug, please turn your baseball caps around and wear them in the manner for which they were designed. There are very few men that can pull off that look. Kudos to you, Fiddy. And the pants… **sigh** Where do I even begin? Years ago, when my sister and I were entering the wonderful world of dating, my dad made sure to give us fair warning about boys showing up to our house with their pants sagging below their waist. He vowed to permanently affix their jeans in the correct place with his staple gun. At the time, we were mortified that he would actually follow through with his threat. Nowadays, I find myself lurking in corners of the mall, holding a staple gun, just waiting to leap out and pounce on my unsuspecting victim.

As well, I place plenty of blame on the fashion industry. I love clothes. I hate shopping. I’m lucky enough to have an hourglass figure, but finding clothes to fit me is nearly impossible – like an honest act of congress. Most of the styles are made for pre-pubescent stick figure heroine addicts. ‘They’ say that fashion recycles. Well, welcome back to the 80s, folks. Neon colors and leggings are back. And I swear to you, if Velcro shoes ever thrive again, I will move to another planet. Some things need to go away forever. Like, Justin Beiber, the Jonas Bros. and Miley Cyrus (subject for another blog). And I cannot bring myself, ever, to get on board with girls above the age of 10 wearing bows anywhere on their head. Did you just get finished with cheer leading camp? Do you realize that you look like total moron? Just wanted to make you aware of that. N’kay?

And I know guys don’t have it much easier. I’m sure it’s hard to decide between acid-wash skinny jeans and a $90 t-shirt with all of that shaggy hair falling across your eyes. I’ll make it easy for you. Men do not look good in skinny jeans. At all. Give me a clean-cut, tall man in a pair of casual jeans and a Stetson cowboy hat any day of the week. Shirt is optional, especially if you resemble Joe Manganiello (Not familiar with him? See True Blood). **swoon** Yeehaw!

Living in a college town makes it easy to observe the interesting clothing combinations available to the helpless span of humans that roam Earth. Fashion can be a bit challenging at times. It is often entertaining, if not a bit sad. Open head, insert brain. Basic common sense should be a fairly easy concept to ascertain when it comes to the principles of applying clothing to specific areas of the body.

So I leave you with this final, sound advice. Social media is the wave of the future. Almost everything and everyone is accessible via the internet. Prospective employers will take a look at how you present yourself, both in the past, and for any potential future job endeavors. Try to sustain some aspect of virtue. Keep your clothes on.

Problem with my post? Refer to the First Amendment.

Time to sign off. I have some shopping to do. And I need to make sure my staple gun is loaded.