Monday, February 22, 2010


While true sarcasm could quite possibly be misconstrued as a bluff for attention, disdain, or even deflection, I believe that in some cases, it is direly necessary. I am sarcastic by nature. Am I mean? No. I've always been complimented for my friendly and social personality. Do I consider myself intelligent and professional? Absolutely! But, I also have a very strong b.s. detector, and more often than not, I find myself biting my tongue rather than expressing it in order to maintain what little political correctness is required to peacefully coexist with my peers.

Case in point. Earlier today (12/16/09), I decided to work through lunch in efforts to finish a project (so I won't be left to stress about it during my holiday break). I ordered from a local sandwich shop (thou who shall not be named) to eat at my desk. The delivery boy arrived with my order, totaling $7.50. I figured he had change for my $20, since I specifically told the clerk who took my order by phone that I would be paying with cash. Wrong. **sigh**

So, I figured if I gave the guy a $20 and asked for $10 back, that would allow him a nice tip of $2.50. So I handed the guy my money and gave him my simple instructions. He stood there looking at me and said, "I don't have change." Right. Okay. "Will you take a check?" I asked. Nope. He did offer to let me write down my credit card number on a piece of paper and he would charge it when he got back to the store. Mistake number one. He then proceeded to tell me that for personal orders under $20, there would be an additional 2% credit fee. Mistake number two. "Or you could just give me your $20. It is Christmas, you know." Mistake number three. Oh, it gets better...

After some discussion, he then informed me that he had change in his car, but that would mean he would have to walk all the way back down in the cold (the building I work in has its own garage), and that this fact should earn him more than a $2.50 tip. I'm convinced he thought he was being cute. Um, no. I told him I was happy to wait.

He returned about ten minutes later with a bunch of stinky, wadded up dollar bills. He didn't even count them out for me. He just dropped the bills on my desk. There were only nine. "That's all I have," he said. Hmmm.

I kindly told him that would have to do. I must say I am proud of myself for not exploding. I have too much respect for our office cleaning staff than to expose them to the gory results of my spontaneous combustion.

In efforts (or so I'm guessing) to deter my discord, he then proceeded to ask me how I like working in a boring office. "It's not boring to me. I love my job. I get to be creative and get paid well to do what I love," I told him. He then said, "You'd have to be a real idiot to want to sit in an office all day. I couldn't live like that. I'm waaay smarter."

(I was only recently able to close my mouth from the shock of his comment)

Displaying an extreme amount of self control, I told him, "Yeah. Good luck with that." I'm thinking his verbal dysentery will most likely hinder any future chance he has to work professionally. Anywhere.

So I sit here in my warm office, still pondering the delivery debacle. He's out making deliveries in the cold. Who's the idiot now?

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