Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Maroon & White vs. Green & Gold

Since it is now after midnight, I can officially say 'good morning' to my followers (my faithful few).

My life has been on a whirlwind ride as of late. In addition to the air of anticipation with the onset of the coming season, I must admit I have some reservations about how to successfully convert (or divert?) a specific person's attention away from a tasteless color scheme duo of green and gold (ick!) to the much bolder, richer maroon and white. I'm talking about football, people. Specifically, Texas A&M vs. Baylor. Now, for all you past, present and future Aggies out there, you understand where I'm coming from. But how does one persuade another individual of the opposing mindset to think outside the box? Stockholm Syndrome is no laughing matter, and I can only imagine is very hard to disassociate oneself from his captor once the brain has atrophied into a state of submission. However, my argument holds water. Seriously. It is quite evident that Aggies are superior to Bears.

I will prove it. Emotions and color schemes aside, we will begin our investigation with a lesson in terms. Which brings us to my next question...What is an Aggie?

Wikipedia defines an Aggie as the following: Aggie may be a diminutive form of the given names Agnatha, Agamemnon, Agata/Agatha, or Agnes. It may also be a diminutive form of a family name that begins with 'Ag-'. See also Aggy.

Texas A&M Aggies (variously A&M or Texas Aggies) refers to the sports teams of Texas A&M University. The nickname "Aggie" is common at land-grant or "Ag" (agriculture) schools in many states. The teams compete in Division I of NCAA sports. Texas A&M was a charter member of the Southwest Conference until its dissolution and subsequent formation of the Big 12 Conference in 1996. The athletic program competes in the South Division of the Big 12, along with Baylor University, Oklahoma State University, Texas Tech University, the University of Oklahoma, and the University of Texas. Texas A&M's official school colors are maroon and white. The teams are referred to as Aggies and the mascot is a pure-bred collie named Reveille.

If you're still unclear on the definition of what an Aggie is, chances are, you call him "Boss".

And just to show you I'm impartial to discrimination, Wikipedia gives a nice little definition of a bear:

Bears are mammals of the family Ursidae. Bears are classified as caniforms, or doglike carnivorans, with the pinnipeds being their closest living relatives. Although there are only eight living species of bear, they are widespread, appearing in a wide variety of habitats throughout the Northern Hemisphere and partially in the Southern Hemisphere. Bears are found in the continents of North America, South America, Europe, and Asia. Common characteristics of modern bears include a large body with stocky legs, a long snout, shaggy hair, plantigrade paws with five nonretractile claws, and a short tail. While the polar bear is mostly carnivorous and the giant panda feeds almost entirely on bamboo, the remaining six species are omnivorous, with largely varied diets including both plants and animals.

Identities aside, let's break it down into scientific terms: Bipeds vs. Quadrupeds. See? Any topic laced with factual evidence is a strong one. I love being an Aggie. I'm always right. :) Stop laughing, you two percenters!

Bipedalism is a form of terrestrial locomotion where an organism moves by means of its two rear limbs, or legs. An animal or machine that usually moves in a bipedal manner is known as a biped, meaning "two feet" (from the Latin bi for "two" and ped for "foot"). Types of bipedal movement include walking, running, or hopping, on two appendages (typically legs).

All of the defined aforementioned movements are things the Aggie football team is highly adept at performing. Have you ever seen a bear play football? There's a reason Animal Planet doesn't host sporting events.

Quadrupedalism is a form of land animal locomotion using four limbs or legs. An animal or machine that usually moves in a quadrupedal manner is known as a quadruped, meaning "four feet" (from the Latin quad for "four" and ped for "foot"). The majority of walking animals are quadrupeds, including mammals such as BEARS, cattle and cats, and reptiles, like lizards.

How, may I pose the question, does one play football on all fours? The answer: He doesn't. And can you imagine what the uniforms would look like? Wretched!

Now, I mean no disrespect to my fellow football fans out there, especially those who made the wrong choice not to attend Texas A&M. Not everyone can be perfect. I mean, where else can you find the tradition and spirit that 'can ne'er be told'? I agree with the motto, "From the outside looking in, you can't understand it. From the inside looking out, you can't explain it." Well, I can sum it up: Maroon and white is the bomb, baby! All other colors suck! **sticks tongue out** Ninner ninner.

But go ahead. I won't begrudge you your dirty little habit of lusting after green and gold (you know who you are). If you want to look like a pimpin' Irish bear, be my guest. You'll likely find sympathy with people if you tell them you're colorblind. My advice to you is to save the bears for cuddling, and allowing them to cleanse the planet's gene pool by snacking on their share of selective forest idiots (aka Baylor freshmen).

I, myself, prefer to look like a winner. I proudly wear my Aggie Maroon! Provoke a bear, and he'll probably growl, bite and maim you. Provoke an Aggie, and he'll plow his way down the field to score the touchdown. Farmers Fight! WHOOP!

1 comment:

  1. Kyle Field ranks #1 in the list of Top Ten College Football Stadiums...